I Am 'Unwritten'

Today, the sun is shining and there isn't a cloud in the sky! An absolutely gorgeous day. I've been working diligently, and I have found moments where my mind wanders...filling itself up with daydreams and happy conversations as scenarios play out. It's interesting to think about the mind...how complex it truly is and how much it can remember; from the smallest details to the most complex of mathematical equations. It's like a filing cabinet filled with countless files of memories, senses, and emotions; music and books, likes and dislikes, the list goes on.

This last weekend, my family and I went to Boston, Massachusetts for the first time, and my mom's mom (my grandma) came with us. My mom and her brothers all went in together to pay for my grandma's trip as a birthday present for her 83^rd birthday. She's an amazing woman, and I love her dearly. I'm very much like my grandma, and I am blessed to be able to see the similarities. I can't even express how alike we are!!

Boston was a blast, because we saw so much history, and that city in general is filled with a rich past. My mom planned the trip and all the tours we went on, and while I did have fun, we still had our moments of arguing and disappointment or feeling stressed and unhappy...I was just glad to have a weekend away from work and the daily grind. I would have liked to explore Salem more in depth, or spend a day on a boat whale watching...but maybe next time. My point?...is I realized on this trip, how excited I am for the trip I've been planning. I realized more on this trip, than on past trips, how different we all are. I'm sure my dad would have liked to see things that my mom didn't want to see or how I would have liked to see things that maybe my family wouldn't have wanted to do. It just made me excited that I'm planning my own thing, and that gives me something to look forward to.

While in Boston, we saw so many things! From the Bunker Hill Monument to Paul Revere's House; the Massachusetts coast to the House of Seven Gables, and even where Samuel Adams was buried...one night I went out to dinner and to see an improv show with my friend Sarah, a friend of mine from my UNC days. Well, she's been living in Boston the last four years, because she got accepted into Emerson College for graduate school, and now works in town there. I was excited to see Sarah, because it's been years and we've been planning to meet up for quite some time.

Saturday night comes and I say, “I'm going to meet Sarah for dinner and we're going to see an improv show at a theatre she used to work at! So, I'll be back around midnight.”

My mom was like, “Okay, great! Is she picking you up?”

“No,” I said “I'm going to meet her at the theatre. She said she can tell me how to walk there, or I can take a taxi or subway.”

Suddenly my mom got, what felt like to me, mad...or “worried,” and she said, “You can't go walking out there by yourself! Do you know how bad you are with directions? You'll get lost! She better just come pick you up! She has a car right?!”

Calmly I said, “Uh, yeah, but she's parked already. It's easier for me to just meet her somewhere.” While I've been talking, I forgot to mention that I was talking to Sarah on the phone the whole time. She was telling me which way to go from the hotel to meet her and trying to give me directions, all while hearing my mom in the background...and making me feel quite embarrassed. “She's trying to give me directions. I can't listen to you and her at the same time! 'Sorry Sarah'...” I say as I try to return to the call. Ultimately I think I heard enough directions to just escape. So I leave.

Walking out of the hotel I was so upset, one for how my mom was reacting and two for Sarah overhearing it all... I leave the hotel and I start walking. We decided to meet at a Chipotle in the theatre district, and me...being frazzled...I went the wrong way for a few blocks, before I realized I needed to turn around. After another call to Sarah, I was finally on my way, and made it there in no time! – – I just...while walking, I found myself freaking out. I'm still in the U.S. and I got lost! I found myself looking at my map frantically and using the GPS on my phone, because I couldn't remember what Sarah said for directions...my mind was still racing with the comments my mom said, and the fact that I felt like maybe I was making a huge mistake. The mistake of planning a trip, where I'll be in a totally different country...lost; or feeling like I'll be lost the whole time, frazzled, worried, and overwhelmed. However, I snapped myself out of it, and was like, “Jenn, you're here! You've got to get to Sarah, and you need to just walk.” So...I did, and I was fine, but...those feelings still bothered me.

Overall the trip was nice, and on the flight home I was just processing the experience and everything that happened...but I couldn't shake the feelings of how “incapable” I felt. Which is totally bollocks! I'm very much capable! I know I am! I kept trying to remind myself of one of my previous posts...telling myself, “You're a strong woman! You're smart, independent, and very much capable of anything and everything, especially traveling!” – – It just...hurt my feelings, the doubt and sadness that crept into my head. I don't know, let's just say that this Boston trip opened my eyes to what I need to be aware of when I travel myself.

When I went into work Tuesday (yesterday), I turned on the radio and one of my favorite girl power songs was on. “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. I love her!! I truly relate to so many of her songs, and I just love her musical style!! AH! If I could see her and Ellie Goulding in concert I pretty much would be in Heaven! (Both are British singers p.s.) Anyway...as I took a moment to listen to the song, it reminded me of how I live my life. How, I'm the writer of my own story! “The pen's in my hand, ending unplanned, starting at the blank page” before me. Letting “the sun illuminate the words” that I “could not find, reaching for something in the distance, so close” I can “almost taste it.” This song...is truly an anthem to my life, and it was almost like ,God was telling me to relax, breathe, and stay calm; to “release my inhibitions” and to live my life with my “arms wide open.” The words, soaking into my head, and making me feel so much better! I may “break tradition” or “make mistakes,” which we all do...but I know that I am perfectly fine! This is where my “book begins, the rest is still unwritten.” (You can see the lyrics and music video below.)

"Unwritten"

By Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

Link to video – “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI

Like I said above, “This is where my 'book begins, the rest is still unwritten.'” It's true! Granted...I've been writing my book for quite some time, it's a nice reminder every now and then. You're not supposed to know what's going to happen next; just like with every book, you can't know the story or the ending before you've read it.

This journey that I'll experience in six-ish months, will be phenomenal. Aside, from missing those I care about, I'm excited to see the Northern Lights and Stonehenge, the Globe Theatre and the Cliffs of Moher...I'm looking forward to what's “unwritten.”

* * “I am unwritten, the pens in my hand, ending unplanned...” * *

Let The Countdown Begin

There may be days, weeks, even simple moments where that dark black cloud of doldrums just hangs over you. Showering you with sadness, woe-is-me pity, and anger; leaving you feeling depressed, overwhelmed, or even causing you to release those moments with tears. That was me today, and partly this week. It's tough when those moments hit, but all you can do is accept them, live them, let them do their damage, and move on, heal, begin to rebuild. Soon that dark black cloud turns gray, until finally the sky clears, and the radiant blue shines through!!

My sky’s were pitch black, turned to gray today, and now they're bright blue! See it?...I've reached the moment where a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

“FINALLY!!” I want to yell! It feels good, and there's certainly reason as to why.

Where I live and work right now, I do enjoy. I like it, really, and as you've seen in past posts it's a question as to when I'll move on to a new job. Well...in time; I need to remain patient, optimistic, and positive. I need to put the good, exciting, happy energy out into the universe, and not the depressed, frustrated, and angry energy... This is TOO a real thing!

I know what you're thinking... “Hmm, Jenn you've gone cray cray.”

NO! I haven't! Honest! I was talking last night with my dear Andrew, and I was reminded of this. We receive, what we put out...like whatever we put into something impacts the outcome. I've been so clouded lately, by my frustration of not being able to control things, that I've forgotten a life mantra that I live by. It's like...treating others the way you want to be treated. I wholeheartedly believe that, and it's the same with the energy you put out into the world/universe. Call it Karma, juju, good vibes, whatever...in the end, it's all about the energy you release. I finally am reminded of that, and as much as I like to think that I was always aware of it before...frustration and unmotivated feelings can truly change all that.

I live in a small town...I'd say...12,000 to 15,000 people live in this town. That's maybe a third of the size of CU-Boulder...just to put things into perspective. The campus of University of Northern Colorado even had at least 11,000 students...and that's a small college! Well, everyone in this town is linked somehow...like everyone knows everyone, and it's refreshing. I like feeling involved in the community, and seeing people who I see at council meetings at the gym; or people I see in choir at the grocery store. It's a small town, and for the most part it's quaint. The people in this town are amazing! They truly are so friendly and welcoming! I'm thankful for that. I need to focus on these happy moments to get me through the...dark black cloud ones.

Something that I don't particularly like is that...once you do something, it's almost assumed you'll be involved again. I did a Christmas play at the local Methodist Church, followed by a Easter Play, and now they want me to do the Christmas play for this year too. I understand that they want me involved, because they know my degree in theatre is a passion of mine, and that I love the stage. I truly do feel at home on the stage! It's just...I have a hard time feeling excited to be part of the plays...because they're not too well written, and no one else really has theatre experience. I know, I need to be more relaxed on it all...that it's as good as it's going to get, because everyone does it as a hobby. There's not any community theatre or anything in this town. So...before, I did the plays just so I could live again. I wanted to feel at home again. I wanted to perform.

However, when they start to write roles with you in mind...and assume that you're going to join the cast...it makes it hard to say, “No.” A sense of obligation and pressure ensues, and that causes me to dwell on the issue until I'm worried sick. I don't want to let anyone down, and I don't want to seem “unfriendly,” but I always found myself thinking to myself, “Ugh, if only I could direct this...” or “This would be way better if...” even, “What kind of stage dynamic is that?” – It's so hard for me sometimes, because it was my major in college, and I care a lot about doing my best work in any situation that I can. It's...not too fun to feel like you're not involved in something that's great, but I need to remember that it's a drama ministry doing God's work. Right now, they want me to be part of the 2015 Christmas show, and I don't know if I want to. I really wasn't planning on it, but because of the “obligation and guilt” that I feel...it makes it hard to say, “No.”

I was talking with Andrew about this last night. “If it's not going to make you happy, then don't do it. It's okay to say, 'No',” is what he said, and my parents said the same thing. I really comes down whether I want to do, because of my love for performing...or not to do it, because of the quality of the show...and that's a decision I'll have to make on my own. Magic 8 Ball? Flip a coin? I don't think will work on this one...

So, what made my sky's go from black to gray to blue?

Well...They were black, because I felt so overwhelmed and out of control of my current situation, both due to work and the stress from choosing to participate with the play or not. They turned gray, because I finally accepted a game plan for my work situation. As you know I want to travel, and it's a question of when. Well, I decided that it will for sure happen, and rather than being stuck in the doldrums, I'm going to focus on working and saving more money, so that I can make the trip a reality. Then, when the trip draws nearer, and my outlook is more pleasant, because I'll be excited to travel, that's when I'll start applying for jobs. Letting the current jobs disappear (which there aren't many I want anyway...) and for new ones to appear. It will give me time to accept and move on from the current black cloud feelings. It will also give me time to determine if I want to stay in radio broadcasting, move into television broadcasting, and to what extent I choose. Anything in theatre, film, television, or broadcasting is fine by me!

I finally accepted this conclusion, because I decided to be dauntless.

That's right, I've decided to be dauntless. I've committed to my “solo travel” adventure. THAT IS RIGHT!! – I BOOKED THE TRIP!!

“AHHHH!!!!!” – I'm suddenly filled with, “what am I doing?!” and “OMG” thoughts, because once I make a deposit payment...It's on like Donkey Kong! I'm scared, excited, thrilled, terrified, and happy all in one moment...but it's a good thing. This is a good thing. I want to prove to myself that I can be strong and independent; that I'm capable, and that I CAN DO THIS. I know my mind will continue to be a titer-totter, and I know my nerves will be knots, but I've been wanting to do this for so long, and it's finally happening! I just need to push myself, and let myself live, be free, and soar! This will be amazing for my soul and the stories I'll get to tell! I can't wait!

With this on the horizon, it makes everything worth it. It'll all be worth it. I'm going to live the life I want to live, and experience the world the way I want to experience it. I am taking all the conversations I've had, all the worried thoughts, the stressful weeks, and the fights...into this very moment. Breathe in...breathe out...let it float away, the stress is gone. Life is good.

Let the countdown begin.

When in Doubt, "Ask Amy"

When in doubt, ask Amy.

What do I mean by this? Well…the decision of traveling has been weighing on my head, and stressing me out, because it’s a huge decision to make.  I’ve just been contemplating a lot…so I took matters into my own hands (once again).

Today began like any other.  At work, I take a break mid-morning to check out my daily horoscope and to read my favorite column, “Ask Amy”.  I’m a dork…I like my horoscopes, and Amy’s column is always so interesting to me.  I like reading her advice.  It’s always straight forward and to the point.  She doesn’t sound rude ever, but inquisitive and helpful.  I genuinely love the advice, because often times it can be used in similar situations or you can remember it for another time.

Anyway…today I was reading my horoscope just like any other, and followed that by, “Ask Amy”.  Here’s an excerpt from today’s “Denver Post”.

Ask Amy: Recent college grad fed up with job (8/24/2015)

By Amy Dickinson

The Chicago Tribune

(Posted: 08/24/2015 12:01:00 AM MDT)

Dear Amy: I am one year out of college and I don't think I can take my job much longer. When I was 10 years old, if you had asked me where I wanted to work, I would have said Corporation X - it's a dream company, and that's where I work! But, ugh - after a year of working 14- to 18-hour days, five to six days a week, for $10.50 an hour, I am exhausted and still living paycheck to paycheck.  Here's the kicker, though: I might work an 18-hour shift, but I will only be given three hours of work to do. The rest of the time I just sit at my desk and wait.  When I do have something to do, I love my job! Honestly, if my job paid better, gave me benefits, I worked normal hours and they constantly had work for me to do, it would be the perfect job.  What should I do? Should I stick it out for a few more years in hopes of getting slightly more reasonable hours? Or should I call it quits and cut my losses and try to get into a graduate program in search of a new career path? ~ Exhausted

Dear Exhausted: Your best course of action is to use your extra 15 hours of time during an 18-hour shift in a way that will improve your experience at work - and impact your future.  Notify your supervisors of your capabilities. Pitch ideas for ways you could be more productive and useful to the company. Be proactive. It's your life. Take charge of it. If you feel certain you have exhausted opportunities at Corporation X (or if you simply don't want to work there any longer), leverage your employment at this company into a job at a company that will value you more and compensate you better. Whether you take another job or decide on graduate school (or both), don't leave until you have something else lined up.

When I read today’s column, it made me think…Ask Amy.  Since this has been a complicated decision for me, and although my friends and family have voiced their thoughts, I still haven’t been able to figure out what to do.  It really comes down to the job situation; quit and travel or be responsible and have another job set up before I go? Amy told this person to have something else lined up before they move on, in a way the advice works for me too, but.… What did I do? I asked Amy.

Dear Amy: I've been out of college and working in the "real world" for five years now.  I enjoy my job, and love where I'm working.  Lately however, I've been feeling restless, and I have determined that it's time for me to move on to something new.

While I'm in this transition trying to determine my next move, its reawakened how much I've wanted to travel.  With work and vacation time, it's not given me the opportunity before.  I'd like to maybe take a month and explore some of the world.  Is that a bad idea? I'd love to have another job lined up and travel between one ending and a new one starting, but another part of me wants to quit and travel, then come back and figure things out.  At the risk of being irresponsible I'm at a loss of what to do.

My parents don't think I should travel at all, but all my friends say the time is now and that we have our whole lives to work.  What should I do?  What if a new job falls into place and there isn't any time to travel?  Or what if I land a job and have the trip paid for; would they be willing to still hire me?  Thank you. ~ To Travel or Not To Travel

It’s a perfectly good question(s).  I just need an unbiased answer, straight and to the point.  So, if you have one, feel free to leave a comment.  I will take any advice on this future endeavor… I’ll of course let you know if she responds, puts the question in the paper itself, or if I do decide a confirmed decision myself.  In the meantime…I’m just stressed; so stressed…

Part of me would love to be discovered.  “Let’s choose that girl Jenn to be our next big star!” rings out in my head, with hopes that TLC or some other cable network would like to follow me around the world with cameras.  I’d have my own reality television show, and thinking on that idea, has me really liking it.  I want my experience to inspire others.  We as humans tend to put limits on ourselves; whether it’s paying bills or working to live…it’s a lot of stress being an adult.  I want people to know that they can do whatever they want, and that it’s never too late.  I want to explore, see, discover new cultures and places; and I want people to do the same. 

My mom has always wanted to be a writer.  She has always loved reading, literature, and writing, but when she graduated from high school, college wasn’t on the minds of many.  At the time, Davenport, Iowa was a small town.  It’s now since grown…quite a lot, but when she graduated she wasn’t able to go to college.  The abilities of obtaining scholarships and financial aid weren’t like they are today.  So…she gave up on that dream.

It breaks my heart! I tell her, you should write.  If you want to write, write.  Send your novel out to companies, and I bet you could get published! It’s never too late to achieve your dreams.  I want her and others to know that.  As crazy as it is to travel alone, I’m looking forward to when I can.  I’m looking forward to that chance.  I want everyone to see that the time is now!

Even if TLC doesn’t accept my pitch (that’s right, I auditioned for them)…I hope that this blog can help awaken someone.  I also hope that when I do travel, that I’m able to fill this blog with photos, experiences, stories, and adventures.  I know I’ll have to conquer a lot; from navigating around places by myself, to eating meals alone…and I know I may even cry, but I don’t care! At least I’ll know I’m living.

Rachel Platten – “Fight Song” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc

This song rings out as today’s life song.  Enjoy.

If you’re reading this, know that you too can do whatever you want.  Don’t limit yourself.  Don’t tell yourself any excuses.  I want you to know, that even if I haven’t met you, that you’re an incredible person.  You truly are.  So, look into yourself and discover your hearts calling.  No matter how far you run or try to ignore your true calling, eventually it will ring out loud! Listen to those voices and do what makes you happy.  You have one life to live, make it an epic one.  You will be glad you did.

"You're Committed Jenn."

Hey! So...the last couple day's I've been having the feelings creep into my mind of “am I doing the right thing?” … This is regarding my decision to “solo travel.” I don't want my blog to become a place where I vent or rant and rave, but I want to document all my feelings, the uncertainties, and the unknown of what is out there.

Although, I am very adventurous and try to do everything at least once in life...I still have a hard time getting myself to those moments of acceptance. By this I mean, I like change, but I hate it at the same time. Change in life can be scary; whether it be moving out of your parents home for the first time or leaving to go to college...even if it's as simple as changing jobs. I always find myself filled with anxiety and uncertainty in those situations, but after a week or two, and once I'm settled in, I usually find myself relieved that I've conquered those fears and that I've embraced the new.

That's where I'm at with my decision to travel. Right now my head is a titter-totter, going up and down with the excitement of traveling, yet the fear of actually going alone rings in my head too. – What am I doing?! Is this a good idea?! Am I doing the right thing?! – I can't help but think, what if I plan this whole thing and then I'm on that flight to Iceland and I'm internally freaking out!? … Yeah, that may be the feeling once I'm on that eight or so hour flight, realizing, “Dude, Jenn...this is happening. Here you are!” What will I do?...nothing to do but accept it, embrace it, and live it.

This makes me think back to the time that I studied in New York City. Back in the summer of 2007, I lived in New York for a month and took classes at the “School for Film and Television,” SFT, was what it was known as then...now it's the “New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts, School for Film and Television.” When I told my parents (at 19) that I wanted to live in New York for a month and do this intensive summer program, they were anything but excited. They were definitely concerned and unsure of me being out-of-state on my own. I wanted to do the program so badly! I didn't care what I had to do, all I knew was I needed that program! I'm glad they supported me and let me go, because that program...I grew so much in that month at that school, than I did in an entire year at UNC. The program really helped re-establish my confidence (following quite a rough freshman year), and it helped me find my love in acting again...the love I always had!

My point? Well, regardless of me wanting to do that program, I still felt excited, scared, and unsure...pretty much until I was on the plane. My parents took me to the airport that June, and I checked in and headed to security (on my own), and they stood above the security area at Denver International Airport (DIA) and waved, “goodbye.” Not going to lie...I shed a few tears...but I'm a sappy sap, and cry at any goodbye... Once I got through security, I looked up and saw their smiling faces one last time, before I embarked on my New York adventure. Once I got to the gate, I for sure was feeling the flow of emotions and the questions I mentioned earlier ring in my head. Suddenly though, God shined some light on me. I looked up and saw a familiar face. The face of a guy who went to UNC in Greeley, and who was a year ahead of me in school. He was in the Musical Theatre Program, and although, I never had classes with him at UNC, that familiar face put my mind at ease.

“I think I know you. Brian Loveland?” I say.

“Jennifer So? Yes! From UNC?” He responded.

“Yeah! I'm doing the Summer Intensive at SFT, are you going as well?” I questioned.

“Yeah! I am! I'm really excited!” Brian responded with a smile.

My mind at ease, my breathing calm, and my heart at rest. I felt content. As we talked a bit more, this girl, who had sat down across from us suddenly joined in, “Wait. Are you guys talking about the School for Film and Television?”

“Yeah!” I say, “We're studying there for a month.”

“No way! Me too! I'm Katie. Katie McConnell.”

Needless to say, I was overjoyed. Mainly, because I now knew people going to NYC as well, but that I had some familiar faces nearby too. When we landed Brian exclaimed, “Hey! You guys want to share a taxi?” “Of course!” we replied as we hopped into van, hoping it would turn out to be, “the CASH CAB” or something. Sadly, it did not, but once we arrived to the school dorm's we checked in, and it turned out, Katie and I were roommates for the month! Everything turned out well, and all three of us had some amazing experiences and memorable moments. Despite my mixed nervous feelings, I would gladly do it all over again.

I know that's how this situation is as well. That I'm just worrying about nothing, and that it will all work out amazingly. I know that once I've experienced it, and lived it, that I'll want to do it all over again. Before in life...I tended to follow my friends. I mean, why wouldn't I...I was with the same elementary class through high school? Where I grew up, the neighborhood I lived in, all the kids went all the way through school together. From one school to the next. My friends, are still from that class...and I still gravitate towards my friends who I've known for years. In fact, it wasn't until middle school, when there were new students around. From kindergarten to sixth grade I was in my little community, with the same 150 kids around me. Middle School that grew to like...550, and by high school I was in a school of over 2,500 students. So, naturally, when it came time to choose a college, I followed a group of my friends from Chatfield Senior High School to the University of Northern Colorado. In fact, they were my friends from the threatre program there, who went on to study theatre arts at UNC. From college, I ended up moving back home for a bit to save up money...which led me to going back to school...falling back into that safety net.

It wasn't until I went back to school for broadcasting at “Colorado Media School,” when I was actually in an environment where I didn't have any friends around. That was the first time...at age 23, that I literally did not know anyone in the class. Lucky for me I can make friends easily, and I did. My class from that school and I are still really tight. We all want everyone to succeed and celebrate each others' win's. We still have reunion dinners and gatherings, just so we can all hang out as a class again. The school even said when we all graduated that it had been years, since they've had a class come through the school that grew to be so close. Where there was no drama between anyone. Honestly, we were all friends.

I realize now...that I, although like change and accept change, I tend to follow where change is comfortable. I don't always push myself out of my shell. I didn't think I'd ever have that, “first day of school” feeling again until I started that program, and in the end it impacted me beyond comprehension.

This all leads back to my feelings now: What am I doing?! Is this a good idea?! Am I doing the right thing?! – The answer is: YES!

Just say yes! I've had a few days to think since my last post, where I ended it with “Keep moving forward,” and now. I do need to keep moving forward. Even from other previous posts, I just need to let the YES ring out loud and proud! – I'm going on a “solo travel adventure.” This is an excellent idea. Yes, I'm doing the right thing. – I need to continue to break away from “following my friends” and continue to stand on my own, embracing “change.” Which I've been doing for the last three years. I've moved to two different towns, taking on two different jobs in the last three years, and have made new friends; virtually from knowing no one before. I've made it through and survived. I'm stronger, more independent (even more than I was before), and an adult. I can do it, and have. New York was a baby step, and moving four hours away from anything familiar to take my first broadcasting job...that was a bigger step. This “solo travel adventure” will be the ultimate test.

Frankly, I acted upon this grand idea by actually planning a trip I'd love to take. It started out as this far off idea and morphed into a solid plan. That plan led me to seek it out and talk to a travel agent. Those talks and countless emails have led to me deciding that it's not a “if I choose to,” but a “when I go” mindset. I've made it this far, and all there is to do is commit. COMMIT JENN!! COMMIT!!

I am committing to this “solo travel adventure.” Done! Set in stone! It's 100% happening.

So...despite whatever feelings creep into my head, and whatever I've been feeling and will feel I'm going to keep telling myself, “You're committed Jenn.”

I'm now committed and determined; not just to this trip, but to everything in life...I've accepted this change and this adventure, and IT. STARTS. NOW!!

Here I go! …

There's an APP for That!

Today is a lighthearted, happy-go-lucky kind of day and so is this post.

Who had tasty sweet corn at 10:45 AM this morning?! – This girl right here. LOL! That's right. While I'm sure many family's cook their corn this way...mine does not and so when my boss cooked corn (in the microwave) I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly it worked.

Most Summer's my dad will grill and we'll cook corn in tin foil on the grill or my mom will steam it over the stove...but today at work, my boss took corn (which was dropped off to the front door of the station in a huge, huge bag from a local farmer) and cooked it in the microwave.

WHAT TO DO: He took the corn and placed the entire thing, husk and all, into the microwaved and heated it for 2:30 minutes. Once the corn was done, he cut off the end, and slid the corn out of the husk removing all those annoying “corn hairs”. Ta-da! Easy as that! Bing, bang, boom, your corn is cooked and ready to eat.

My boss turns to me and goes, “Here you go Jenn So! A nice snack!”

While I start munching on my corn, I proceed to tell my boyfriend all about it, and he proclaims laughing, “My mom cooks corn that way all the time!”

What?... I know I may not be up with the times on cooking corn, but for those of you, who find this remotely amusing, you're welcome! Try it out the next time you want to eat corn on the cob.

* * * * * * * * * *

Something else that I've been pondering this morning...is still the trip I've been planning. This trip is big, and there are a lot of things to think about, but I've come to a conclusion to help me make my decisions. Sometimes...it's better to leave it up to chance, by either flipping a coin or...in my case (because there is an app for everything nowadays) turn to your trusty magic 8 ball. I bet you thought you'd never hear that again!

Raise your hands!! Who had a “Magic 8 Ball” growing up!? I did!! Mine was PINK! LOL...

Question: Should I go on my trip in the future? (Shake phone for result) Answer: Probably. – I asked again, and it said, “It's FATE!”

Question: Should the first half of my trip be a mother/daughter adventure? (In recent weeks, my mom has expressed an interest to go on this trip with me...even though it's supposed to be a “solo travel adventure”...I'm open to the idea...) Answer: Maybe. – While...that's an okay answer, that's already something I knew, so I asked again for hopefully a more concrete answer. It said, “Only time will tell.” – (I'm beginning to see why this is not the best way to make decisions...) Hmm...I asked for a third time, thinking “Come on, give me a solid answer.” It said, “Definitely.”

Question: Should my “solo trip” say “solo”? (Thinking...let me re-praise this question.) Answer: Definitely.

Great!! Wonderful!! Just to be sure I asked... Question: So, should my mom go with me on the first part of my trip or no? Answer: Maybe. – By this point I want to shout, “You're killin' me smalls!!” LOL! … So, I asked one final time, “Yes or no? Should my mom go with me on the first part of my trip?” It said, “NO.”

Cool! Now, while some may say, “Jenn you just kept asking until you got the answer you wanted.” In a way...I can see that, but I really didn't. The first time it said, “Maybe” and then “Only time will tell” and then it said, “Definitely.” However, when I asked my next question on whether I should do this “solo trip”, it said, “Definitely”, which made me seek further clarification. Giving me another “Maybe,” and causing me to ask one final time... It finally answered with, “NO.” (To making the first part of the trip a mother/daughter adventure.)

To confirm the now determined answers let's flip a coin. (FIRST time tosses only!)

Heads or Tails. Should I go on my trip in the future? Heads yes, tails no. Result: Heads.

Heads or Tails. Should my mom come with me on the first part of my trip? Heads yes, tails no. Result: Tails.

Heads or Tails. Should my “solo trip” stay “solo”? (This time we'll switch it up) Tails yes, heads no. Result: Tails. – I asked this question four times, and the result was tails three times out of four.

This post is taking a bit longer than normal to write, since I was literally asking the “Magic 8 Ball” and flipping that coin for answers to my questions... I know I can be silly. Some decision's are tough for me to reach, and others are so easy! I feel really good about these results and answers, because it confirms in my mind that I'm not crazy, that this “solo travel adventure” is FATE.

* * * * * * * * * *

I've been having some feelings today too...just moments where I find myself more in tune with the energy around me, the emotions of others and the environment, and the feeling of my heart beating in my chest... I've made the decision to travel a few weeks ago, and the trip has formed into place quite well...all I have to do is basically commit. I want to commit so bad...but there are some last questions to consider. (Enter “Magic 8 Ball”...again, and this time...FIRST time answers only!)

Question: Should I travel between jobs? Answer: Perhaps.

Question: Should I quit my job to travel and then look for a new job when I get back? Answer: It's FATE!

I would rather have another job set up, before I travel...that way I can travel between jobs, but if I quit to travel, I know that, that's okay too. It's something I'll have to think about more, between now and committing to the trip. Since I've decided that I do want to travel (tentatively set for March 2016 sometime) I've found myself feeling a little nervous and scared. Although, excitement of adventure and the drive to see the world and other cultures has been the overpowering factors, there's a small part of me who...does indeed feel nervous and scared. It's probably due to my parents and specifically my dad who said I'm “too trusting” or that I “don't have enough street smarts.” I don't know, but what I do know, is despite those feelings and thoughts, the excitement of travel conquers all. I really do want to do this, and I truly believe I'll learn a lot about myself and what I'm capable of. (Note my “Be Dauntless” blog post.)

Today...I had a moment earlier where I felt content. I mean, I always feel content, but...at work. I've been here for quite some time, and I had this moment where I felt like this office is mine. This desk is mine, this chair is mine, and that phone is mine... I can't explain it, but it finally feels like...I almost, kind of, sorta, maybe belong here...kind of. I still want to move on to a new career adventure too, but for now...it's a good feeling to have.

There's still a lot to think about, but at least I know I'm heading in the right direction; keep on keeping on! LOL! Just stay positive and keep moving forward.

Keep. Moving. Forward.

Carpe Diem - Seize the Day

Songs. They have many meanings and everyone relates to them differently. Depending on what your life is, each song may mean something different, from the literal to something deeper. One song I've been jamming out to lately is “Come Along” by Vicci Martinez (see lyrics below.)

The reason why this song speaks to me is one...it's catchy and has a fun beat, but the lyrics. They can be interpreted in many different ways from “make a statement, take a stand” in the political sense or also in the “own your own life sense.” For me...I take it as, “own your life.”

"Come Along"

by Vicci Martinez
(feat. Ceelo Green)

Oh come along with me

Play with it while you have hands
Dust settles, cities turn to sand

Trespassing this is their land
Time flies, make a statement, take a stand

Come along now, come along with me
Come along now, come along and you’ll see
What it’s like to be free
Come along, come along with me
Come along now, come along and you’ll see
What it’s like to be free

Come along now, come along with me
And I’ll ease your pain
Come along, come along with me
And let’s seize this day
Come along, come along with me

Stay out stay clear but stay close
Friends, foes, God only knows
Let’s be the thorn on the rose
Time flies, make a statement, strike a pose

Come along now, come along with me
Come along now, come along and you’ll see
What it’s like to be free
Come along, come along with me
Come along now, come along and you’ll see
What it’s like to be free

Come along now, come along with me
And I’ll ease your pain
Come along, come along with me
And let’s seize this day
Oh, come along with me

Time flies, make a statement, take a stand (3x)
Time flies, take your chance

Come along now, come along with me
Come along now, come along and you’ll see
What it’s like to be free
Come along, come along with me
Come along now, come along and you’ll see
What it’s like to be free

Come along now, come along with me
And I’ll ease your pain
Come along, come along with me
And let’s seize this day
Oh, come along with me

Oh, come along with me

Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaJmAqrECgM

WE must all own our own lives. Whose living our lives, but ourselves. So, we must do what we want and “seize the day.” Again...that quote! I say it, and think “Dead Poets Society” with Robin Williams saying, “Carpe Diem!” – SEIZE THE DAY. This is another reason I love this song. It practically screams, “seize the day!” It mentions, “time flies, take your chance...” and it's true. Time does fly! We do need to take our chance; whether it be in terms of a relationship or perhaps hiking a 14'er that you've always wanted to hike... The point is, we need to always take the chance, because the moment we do, we will be so happy! Happy that we're being bold, and happy for what can come of it. WE never know what may happen, unless we try.

Most likely we will “see what it's like to be free;” experiencing all that we're meant to, and striving to always seek more. We would be cheating ourselves out of some pretty amazing life experiences if we lived life in the shadows or scared of new things...

That's the conclusion I come to anyway...I take this song as a sign to travel, and I plan on it. I hope you stick around!! This blog may turn into a travel blog in the future.

:::: CARPE DIEM :::::