I Love You

I will always love you to the moon and back.

In times of utter heartache and pain...times of endless tears and sadness...I try to mend my own heart, with things like hobbies, music, and friends; with family and love from everyone. Sure, it's never easy, and I must remember that I will come out stronger on the other side of this dark tunnel.

You may be wondering, “What's going on?”

Well...to stay as far from the real issue, I'm writing today about the general topic of “moving on.” We move on after we end a job. We move on after we leave a certain place. We move on after we say goodbye to people...or after people leave from our lives. The world is ever changing...just like a tree loses its leaves every Fall. Things change, and sometimes they're changes that we can't control or that we don't want. Those are the hardest.

I write, so I can try to mend...clear my head of the sadness and bring light back into me. I write, with tears streaming down my face, and the sniffling of my nose running... My vision is blurred as tear form in my eyes...and fall down my cheeks. I hate feeling hopeless, sad, pathetic...

The conversation that led to today's post was really nice and sweet, kind and caring. It was not fueled by anger, but rather defeat. Sadly. A defeat of a battle that wasn't ever meant to happen. It wasn't ever meant to hurt anyone or make them feel unwanted or weighed down by opinions. It was a battle of loved ones trying to protect their own...but their own was battling to be set free.

I want them to set me free. I know they'll always love me and they want what's best for me...but I want to fly. I want to fly so high!! I want to SOAR!!...

“You're strong Jenn. You're brave and you're amazing.” He said.

“I don't feel strong right now...” she said crying.

Comfortingly he responded, “You will, and I still will be in your life. We still will be friends, and I will always love you. I will always love you.”

“I will always love YOU!” She said through more tears, as the overpowering sadness consumed her. “I love you.”

Sometimes, it's hardest moving on, when it's rooted so deeply in love. No one wants to hurt the other, but it's just a sucky situation. No matter the form of “moving on” that you're in, it's always nice to be reminded of “love.” The love you have for the other person and the love from your other friends and family will get you through any hard time. We must never lose sight of that love, and we must never forget the memories of how the love formed.

Unfortunately, things change like seasons...and I am reminded of that, as of late. The feelings of my world ending, the feelings of confusion and pain....but I'm not mad. I'm not mad at anything that happened, because I remember the most amazing moments; the happiness, the laughter, the smiles and joy in his eyes... I am reminded of him from our favorite songs and books, favorite movies and tv shows. He won't ever be forgotten. He will always be in my heart.

I pray to God, to take away my pain...so I can live in the happy memories, so I can remember his smile, his touch, his voice...I pray for God to mend my heart. Take away the sorrow, and to please guide me through the darkness. I may have lost sight of things, becoming overwhelmed by the confusion of peoples opinions and thoughts. I may have lost sight of the person who mattered most to me...and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry... In times like this, I turn more to God than I ever do regularly. Sure, I go to church, I pray, I believe in Him, but it's the hard times in life that I find I truly do rely on Him for comfort and clarity, for hope and strength, for healing and love.

I'm sure by now you know what is going on...but I'm not writing to write about that. I'm writing to heal. I wish I could fix things, and I wish it didn't come to this. I wish people stayed out of the way, and just let us be.

I write...because I feel relief, I feel better when I write...when I can “think through my brain.”

I am thankful for everything. I am not mad. I am not angry. I am blessed. I am grateful. I know that my life is richer, because you're in it. I know you're not going anywhere. I know we will still be in each others lives. I know we will still be friends. I know we still want the best for each other. I know we still love each other, I know WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE EACH OTHER. I know we still support each other. I know we still will be there for each other. I know we will always remember the amazing memories and think often of the good times. I know we are going to be stronger together, once we get through this...even knowing as friends. I thank God that we want to remain in contact and in touch, to remain in each other's lives...if that wasn't the case, I'd be far worse off in my “woe is me, pitty, cry, cry” state than I am now.

I always want you in my life. I always want to be in yours.

I am open to the future. I'm open to the possibilities. I'm open to the adventures. I'm open to what may still be with us, if it's meant to happen. I'm open to everything. Without false hope or waiting for something that may never be...without becoming consumed by the “what if”...I'm simply open. Open to the world, to the universe, to all the energies, to God...open to you and me, open to everything.

That gives me hope; hope to live, hope to love, hope to let the world change me, adventures to excite me, hope to be brave and strong. Having hope is the only way to heal...finding the positive in the negative...hope is what I need. The hope of anything is wonderful. The hope I had in us, and that I have in you, regardless of life...and what happens, whatever causes whatever else to happen, the hope is what I have to feel okay again. Moving on takes hope.

I feel so much lighter now than I did at the beginning of this post. I hope, if you're reading this, that it gives you some comfort too, some hope. I hope that you too find the strength you need to heal.

Moving on is hard. Life is hard. But...we are stronger once we get through the darkness. Keep the hope and remember the love. Remember that love conquers all.

I love you.

I will always love you to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond. <3