Today
my mind has been flooded with thoughts of “goodbye's”, and
no...I'm not going anywhere.
I've
always had a hard time saying goodbye, and even now...they get me so
emotional. I don't like saying goodbye to people at all, and in
recent years I have tried to avoid it... I currently live in Fort
Morgan, Colorado. I love the town and the people, my job, my
apartment, and Franke's Coffee...one of my favorite hang outs.
Compared
to where I lived before in southeastern Colorado, Fort Morgan has
been a true blessing. I don't ever want to think about my time in
Lamar (that's where I lived while I worked at my first broadcasting
job). Lamar was...miserable. A 4.2 square mile town and maybe 7,000
people...I found it incredibly hard to make friends, meet people, and
feel involved. Most days I would wake up, go to work, the gym, and
go home. The gym, which I usually love...I hated there. I found
myself feeling very isolated, depressed...sad, leaving work and
finding myself in tears by the time I got home. It didn't help that
my boss was not too kind and was very condenscnending. She
definitely abused her “power” and caused me to lose all
confidence in myself. Needless to say, I was only in Lamar
for...maybe five months...I didn't last long. When I moved I never
felt happier to leave. I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I just quit
one day, and that was it. As scary as it was to quit, it was
rewarding to know that I wouldn't be in that environment anymore. I
removed all traces of anything on my Facebook, blocked certain
people, and wrote one single status, “Just a memory.” It is just
a memory; a memory I want to forget. As I drove out of that town, I
said in my car, “Goodbye Lamar. I hope to never see you again.”
Fort
Morgan is a completely different story! I will gladly go back and
visit. I'd love to! One because I have friends that I want to keep
in touch with, but two, because I sincerely enjoy my time here. I
don't miss Lamar. I know I'll miss Fort Morgan.
What
I've realized lately is that I've mentally been preparing myself to
say, “goodbye” or to leave and move, for quite some time. I
just...haven't told anyone around me. Now, maybe they suspect or
sense it, but I've never expressed any unhappiness or ill feelings
towards anyone. I genuinely love the people, my friends, my job!...I
love it all, but I just feel...it's time for me to spread my wings a
little bit. (Which, you've read in previous posts.) I know that I
need to move on.
This
last weekend was the Christmas play at Fort Morgan United Methodist
Church. What a joy it has been to meet the people of that church.
Granted...I went to only one service there...the people are as
welcoming as my parents church in Englewood. The Methodist have a
“Open Arms, Open Hearts, Open Doors” mantra...and I love it,
nondenominational, we welcome everyone and anyone of any faith or
background. I'm thankful for the Fort Morgan United Methodist
Church. I'm thankful for the many people I've met through the Drama
Ministry, and I'm thankful for their continued open arms! I will miss
them. During Saturday night's performance of “In Light of the
Natvitity” by Terri Dill, I used it as a goodbye. Mentally, I was
saying goodbye to acting at the church, goodbye to the cast, and
really holding on to the memories of the night. Granted...none of
them know my plans to move, and neitehr do my friends here in Fort
Morgan... I just, don't know how to tell people. I'm kind of one of
those, people who doesn't want to cause any sadness or pain. I don't
want people sad, so I feel like if I just disappear, no one will be
hurt. I know that's not true. Everyone will feel in their own ways,
and I just need to say goodbye. When I come to conclusions that I
know are right, but don't want to accept...then I tend to say, “I'll
cross that bridge when I come to it.” A fault of mine I know...and
I've become more and more aware of it. I'm working on not pushing
things aside, and to just deal with it and get it out of the way.
“Goodbyes” are just hard for me, no matter what.
Allow
me to say goodbye...
Goodbye
Franke's Coffee, I will always remember the days of reading or
journaling, and how your chais are pretty tastey, but how the last
gulp is practically all spices...haha.
Goodbye
Ole' Solo Mio, your Italian food is utterly amazing...and in this
case, I know that if I come up to visit, I'll be stopping by to say,
“Hello.”
Goodbye
Morgan Lanes, for the last couple years that you've been open while
I've been here, I thank you for giving me some entertainment. Events
through Roots Group, and memories with friends. Thank you.
Goodbye
to Morgan Community College (MCC), and thank you for letting me feel
involved in the arts! The Center for Arts and Community Enrichment
(CACE) Committee has been enjoyable. All coming together to bring
arts to Fort Morgan, has been great. I just wish, and hope you
choose to bring more dance and theatre to the community. Enough with
the band concerts and other musical bands...all you seem to do is
bands and choirs...which I like, but...you need more theatre and
dance. You need more variety. Thank you though, for allowing me to
feel like I'm involved in my passion.
Goodbye
to the School for Performing Arts (SPA), and thank you for welcoming
into the MCC Morgan County Chorale. Thank you for the last four
concerts and two years of fun. Singing every Thursday. I certainly
will miss Tertia and the whole choir...you all are so wonderful, and
the fun we all have. May we please remain friends.
Goodbye
to Little Bamboo! I sadly will miss your Panang Curry! Thank you for
having decent Chinese Food! The other two restaurants in this
town...are so bad, but your food is actually pretty good. Thank you.
Goodbye
to the Cover 4 Theatre. I will miss you. For a 12,000 person town,
your theatre is wonderful. Thank you for all the wonderful movies,
and all the girls nights I had with Leah and Chelsea (before they
both got married). I can close my eyes and see myself watching,
“Divergent,” “Pitch Perfect 2,” “Insurgent,” and...so
many others! I just wish some of your popular movies stayed longer
than a week or two...
Goodbye
to City Hall, I will not miss you. Those council meetings were
torture, but I still learned a lot. I will be glad to move on
though, to let someone else sit in on those meetings...
Goodbye
to the Fort Morgan Administrative Building...and goodbye to
commissioner meetings. Most of the time, those were fine...quick and
easy, to the point... I will miss the friendly faces I've seen for
the past (almost three years) weekly.
Goodbye
to the District Support Center and goodbye to school board meetings.
Although interesting...I will be glad to not have to cover those
meetings anymore.
Goodbye
to City Park in Downtown Fort Morgan. I truly will miss you. I can
close my eyes and see summer of BobStock music festivals and
Christmas Capital of the Plains events. I see lawn chairs on top of
lawn chairs as people gather for summer concerts in the park. Thank
you for being the heart of my time here, for giving me some memorable
memories. Despite the hard work that always occurred, those memories
will always remain in my heart.
Goodbye
to Morgan County Roots Group. Thank you for being there whenI moved
here...knowing only one person in the whole town, you were my
lifeline. You've introduced me to my Fort Morgan friends, and to
some amazing great times. Wine tastings, beer tasting, Halloween
Parties, Ugly Christmas Swaeater Parties, and so much more! I will
come visit if I can!
Goodbye
to Fort Morgan United Methodist Church. I will sincerely miss all of
you. The Drama Ministry, although...not what I'm used to for acting,
was really nice for my time here. I am thankful for being involved
and for you welcoming me. They've been good experiences. I'm
thankful for your love while I've been here.
Goodbye
to Media Logic Radio. I know I've not said when I'm leaving yet, and
in my head...I know when that day will be. Thank you for welcoming
me in 2013...with smiles and excitement. Thank you for being the
answer to my prayers and for offering me this amazing job. I truly
have learned so much, and I am forever thankful. Thank you for the
memories. I definitely will come visit. You all will always remain
in my heart.
Goodbye
to my apartment, goodbye to the awesome fireplace, rooftop patio, and
elevator. So may memories of my first “real” place on my own.
Thank you for the amazing memories I've had with my family and
friends. Thank you for being the place where I discovered more of my
own self, the place where I decided to travel abroad, the place where
I started raising a cat. Thank you for being the apartment where I
grew as a person, and where a lot of soul searching occurred.
Goodbye
to my friends and co-workers. This isn't really goodbye...I'm sorry
if I don't get to tell you goodbye, but I am thankful for your
impacts on my life. I will always remember you.
Goodbye
to Fort Morgan. Goodbye to the amazing people. Goodbye to the town.
I'll be back to visit, but I know this is what I need to do right
now. Thank you for being the start of my career.
Thank
you to God, for answering my prayers, and for bringing me to Fort
Morgan. Thank you for guiding me and for being a constant light in
my life.
….I
know it's not really a goodbye, but I hope this post acts like one.
A way for me to express my feelings, and for me to express the
sadness that sometimes can come with saying, “goodbye.”
There
are moments where I feel like I belong here...but those are out
numbered by the feelings of awkwardness...the feelings of, “I don't
belong here,” the “I don't feel like anyone likes me,” and the
“They don't really want me here” moments....
As
much as I do like being here...I just sense that it's time for me to
go. It's time for me to move on to a bigger market, and try new
things. My teachers are telling me to move on as well, and I need to
move on before I get too comfortable. Forgive me for not being too
outgoing, or if I seemed like I didn't want to be here. Please
forgive me for not getting too rooted...I mentioned it before, I just
wanted to make it easier for me...to leave, and for that I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
Today's
fortune cookie fortune (really is):
“ Your
good looks and journalistic skill will bring you great fourtune.”
A
look at what will be.
Here's
to the new chapter. “Hello.”
