*LATE AT NIGHT* My Pantoum Poem...

Before I write my Pantoum poem, I want to tell you the past life of my poem. I am...as of this early Sunday morning, including today, five days until my 21st birthday. I turn 21 on the 29th of January, and I am really excited! My cousin Jessica turns 21 on the 26th of January...three days before me. We both have lived a couple years longer then a cousin of ours. My cousin Ronald, was a year older then us. He graduated high school, from the Hong Kong International School in Hong Kong, in 2005. A couple months after he graduated he was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoma Leukemia. It was hard to deal with, because I'm here in the USA, and he's over in China...and I wanted to be there with him, but I couldn't. Well, he went into remission in June of 2006, and we thought he was in the clear. Well, Christmas of 2006, I was supposed to go back to Hong Kong to visit family...however, the weather decided to be all psycho, and snow with back to back Blizzards. So, needless to say the trip was off. I was so angry! Because in February of 2007, the Leukemia came back...and that time, he didn't make it. I couldn't even go to the funeral, because classes at school (with my major) weren't helping me. They were going to drop me from a class or lower my grade...and my parents didn't want my grades to suffer...even though I didn't care if they did or not. I was angry and upset for a long time...I had an incredibly hard time coming to terms with what happened. My cousin Ronald was so young! And...although I only saw him every two years, I AM still very close to my family in Hong Kong.

I had a dream one night...that I was at his funeral, and I was crying hysterically. My family in my dream was trying to get me out of the church and they were trying to calm me down, but I was flinging them away...I didn't want to leave, I didn't want the help. I remember thinking in the dream that this is a dream and that I needed to wake up, but I was stuck. I realized that life is short. We can't live it just being scared all the time, we need to live it with happiness and love, we need friends and family, and we need to live like today is our last.

To get over everything...I wrote a play, and started to write a song on the piano, and now...I have written this poem. BECAUSE...without the walks I took at night...I would not have been able to feel cleansed and at peace with everything. Walking at night...by myself with my thoughts, helped me to see...that my cousin is at peace, and that he is safe, not in pain, and happy. So...here is my poem:

*LATE AT NIGHT*

Stars are enchanted dreams.
They shine with love and beauty.
The night sky is filled with a quiet melody.
The moon brings hope, peace, joy.

They shine with love and beauty.
Dancing across the sky like happiness.
The moon brings hope, peace, joy.
Shooting stars soar like life passing by.

Dancing across the sky like happiness.
Fresh crisp air wiping away my tears.
Shooting stars soar like life passing you by.
No more laughs for him.

Fresh crisp air wiping away my tears.
Walking late at night helps me heal.
No more laughs for him.
He shines from Heaven now.

Walking late at night helps me heal.
I'm feeling happier with every dawn.
He shines from Heaven now.
I will see him again one day.

I'm feeling happier with every dawn.
The night sky is filled with a quiet melody.
I will see him again one day.
Stars are enchanted dreams.



The first picture is of me and my cousins this last Christmas of 2009. The second picture is a picture of my cousins Christmas of 2006, the one I was unable to make. My cousin Ronald is the one on the far left.

*Love* J.So

Sweet Art Exhibits!!!

I absolutely love art galleries, exhibits, museums...I love to look at an art piece and try to find my own meanings. The summer of 2007, I went to New York for one month. I did a summer program at the now, Dramtic Conservatory for the Arts, School for Film and Television. It was a one month summer intensive program on Commercial Study, Scene Study for Film and Television, Shakespeare, Stage Combat, Michael Chekhov Acting Technique, and Voice Overs. Well, although class were like a normal job 9-6pm, it was an amazing program, and I now know that ultimately it's film and television that I want to do with my life.

I'm digressing though..haha, what I want to say, is that on weekends I spent it exploring around the city. One weekend I went to the METROPOLITAN ART MUSEUM. I spent like the majority of the day there!!! I just went and looked at everything! They had art from every era. I loved the contemporary art exhibit. I love looking at modern art. I just...really enjoy things that you have to figure out. Like, one of my most favorite plays is, WAITING FOR GODOT, by Samuel Beckket. That play is quite interesting. Two people are waiting for Godot, but you never actually see him...he doesn't ever show up. It's just a play about the day by day same way of life, the same mundane activities to pass time...hoping that it's the day he shows up.

At the University of Northern Colorado where I am currently a student, there are a couple galleries that show off the artwork of local artists, but mostly students artwork. TODAY there are two exhibits that I actually went to see.

THE FIRST ONE:

GENE HOFFMAN "Pick of Litter"

The artwork in the gallary was amazing. The pieces seemed to be all made out of plastic, metal, wood. The way they all turned out were just amazing. There was one that I really enjoyed and it was called, "Plastic Indian Spirit" made entirely of plastic. IT was very intricate. Made of bright bold colors; it's really neat how there is so much pieced together in it. All the pieces are very well done. I am amazed how evertying is so detailed and made out of something so minimal, yet it all looks so amazing! My favorite piece in this exhibit was the OGRE WHO ATE CLOCKS, made out of wood, metal, and plastic. It was an actual grandfather clock style with what almost looks like a dragon in it. It was very neat looking, because at the same time, it was like the grandfather clock was his body, and the inside workings of a clock was the insides of the Ogre. It was just really cool.

THE SECOND ONE:

The students whose artwork was in this exhibit was encouraged to look for ordinary and unusual materials and combine in ways that could produce unexpected results. Some pieces are a clear idea others are expressed in a different way. They are collected to dictate the direction the piece took. People need to be open to many meanings. This was a very neat exhibit. Some objects combined nature with technology. Others were formed out of all things that were found. One piece that stood out to me was a blue foot locker filled with plastic tags all numbered and all sorts of numbers, and in the middle of the box was a skull of a cow or some animal. To me it represented all the cattle that are killed daily for food and other things. Another piece that I thought was really cool, was a windmill that was made out of a floor heater and wood. In the middle of the windmill and the base that was the old floor heater was a red knob. It was one of those knobs that you have outside on the side of your house that controls how much water is let out at a time through the hose so that you can water your yards. It was interesting to see the concept that the artist took. It was just an amazing gallery.

Every month there are new exhibits that open in the two galleries that are at my school. I enjoy walking through them, because they're usually really neat concepts and the artwork is stuff that I would never think of developing. It's just great...but I think that I also enjoy it so much, because I myself am an artist...theatre...film, I enjoy the arts! ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!!!

Poetry...you needn't be worried...

I have always loved poetry. I guess it's because I grew up reading poetry books like, FALLING UP, THE LIGHT IN THE ATTIC, THE GIVING TREE, and WHERE THE SIDEWALK ENDS, by Shel Siverstein. I enjoyed reading the poems in those books. The poems were presented in a way that for children was enjoyable. Each poem had a picture with it, and the poems were always so funny and the most outragious scenarios.

According to Dictionary.com poetry is defined as: the art of rhythmical composition, written or spoken, for exciting pleasure by beautiful, imaginative, or elevated thoughts.

In my Creativity in the Arts class, we read a couple readings on poetry. THE NAME AND NATURE OF POETRY, by A.E. Housman and THE POETRY HANDBOOK, by Mary Oliver. Both of these readings were written to help people understand poetry more. Each gave their own thoughts, opinions, examples, and interpretations of poetry. It's always nice to read about poetry here and there, and although I've been studying poetry in at least one English class from the time I was in 8th grade...I still find things to learn. Poetry is so beautiful, and I absolutely love to read it. I always had an appreciation for poetry, but it was not until my AP English class my senior year of high school, when I realized the absolute beauty that is poetry. We analyzed and looked at all sorts of poetry; from Ralph Waldo Emerson to William Carlos Williams. Speaking of...William Carlos Williams, MY FAVORITE poem is:

THE RED WHEELBARROW

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

I don't know why I like it, as much as I do. I think it has to be becasue it's so simple, yet there is an even greater meaning of the Red Wheelbarrow. I rememeber we had to write an essay on it, analyzing it, including our opinions of it. It was a really neat assignment, because everyone wrote so many different takes on what The Red Wheelbarrow is.

Poetry is mysterious. Sometimes the meanings and the reasons why it was written are so clear...other times they have to be discovered. I love poetry, because with poetry I actually enjoy analyzing each line and finding the true meaning or the possible meaning. It could possibly be one of my hidden secrets. haha...what can I say? Poetry is just amazing.

Short Stories

Growing up in elementary school, I loved to write. I've always loved writing and creating a story that is fun. When I was younger, I had a dream of being a writer, and although that dream isn't mine anymore, I haven't lost the love of writing. My writing today, consists of plays. Yes, I playwright. It's different from writing short stories, but that's just how writing in my life as evolved. Writing a play is like writing a short story. You have to plan out the story and objective you want to convey, but you tell it through the characters you develop. Currently, I've written only four plays, but it's a bit hard for me to just write to write. I have to have an idea to run with, and sometimes in all the chaos of school I don't pay attention to those ideas around me. So, until I have time, I write all my ideas down in a "Actors Journal" but I also write down small conversations I over hear and things that stand out to me. I love to read in general, and it's always a plus when I get to read what I want to read, and not have to read what I'm told to read. However, sometimes things I have to read, turn out to be very interesting.

I just read, HOMELAND AND OTHER STORIES by Barbara Kingsolver. This story was about a couple who have been married for three years. Lena wanted to have children, but her husband didn't want to have kids. It was a story of discovering the true happiness in the lives of people. Some people are happy just being married. Other people are happy with a big family. There was a quote in the story that stood out to me. Lena's husband says, "As I looked at her there among the pumpkins I was overcome with color and the intensity of my life. In these moments we are driven to try to hoard happiness by taking photographs..." I think that is so true, I take pictures all the time. I scrapbook and taking pictures is just something I do, to captivate the memories of my life. In the end of this story Lena's husband realizes that this is truely what his wife wants. He realizes that he want's to make her happy. That captivating the memories of his life would be amazing and what he wants if it was with Lena. He wants his life to be filled with joy.

I also read, THE WOMAN WHO LOST HER NAMES, by Nessa Rapoport. This story was about a young girl who is jewish and is growing up in America. She's away from the culture and society of where you family is from. She was given the name SALLY in school, to make the "adjustment" easier. IT was like society just assumed that she'd have a hard time, and so to make things easier they were going to give her a different name. Her name is Sarah Josephine. She went through life feeling different, sometimes it was a good different and sometimes it was a bad different. She wasn't blonde and blue eyed like girls in her class. She had dark flowing hair, and was a true free spirit, however, she felt that it was hard to fully fit in. She met and married a man who brought out happiness in her. She longed to go back to Isreal, and she ended up marrying the man having kids, and she lived in New York for awhile. Finally, the time came where it was the right time to "go home." They went to Jerusalem, and she felt a sence of calmness. She was also thankful. She had a daughter, and it was then time to name her. The struggle to find the perfect name...was presented. They left it to the Torah, awaiting the answer to be read and presented to them. It really is a great short story. Names are so important. I just watched the Prayer for Jabez in church. Jabez was a man who was born, and his mother was in great pain when she gave birth to him. So, she named the son Jabez which means pain in hebrew. The documentary was saying that we grow into our names, we become our names. He prayed to God to expand his territory and to protect him from pain, and God granted the request. His name meant pain, but he didn't have to represent his name, he could change it. He changed his destiny. It's interesting that this story put so much pressure on names, but names are important. I just think that names should be given to the baby out of love and kindness, and it's then the baby's life to grow and learn to be who they want to be. I wish I could say that names shouldn't be taken seriously, they are important, but I think that at the end of this short story the family realized that whatever happens, is meant to happen, and they were relieved.

I love writing and I hope that in my career my writing will develop and help me as a person grow into a great person. I want to continue to be surprised with my life and to continue to learn as a person, just like the people in these stories.

Albert Einstein to Jacques Hadamard: TWO brilliant people...

Albert Einstein is best known for his theory of relativity, especially mass-energy equivalence (E=mc^2). Jacques Hadamard ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacques_Hadamard ) wrote The Psychology of Invention in the Mathematical Field. In that book Albert Einstein had a letter that expressed his answers to the questions that Jacques Hadamard was asking.

This letter was hard for me to read honestly. I had to read it a couple times, because Albert Einsten spoke really strung out. I mean, it seemed to be very wordy, his answers were not just right there black and white. The Psychology of Invention in Mathematical Field was a book that Jacques Hadamard explained the self-observation and reporting of conscious inner thoughts of mathimatical processes. I'm sure it was interesting to read, but I honestly...couldn't fully understand what I read in Albert Einsteins letter. TO ME...I think he was critisizing the study that Jacques Hadamard was conducting. I just found it hard to understand, and even reading it again twice while writing this entry, I realize that I think the concept that is addressed in the letter seems to go above me. I am good a math, I was advanced in high school, but this is hard to understand, because IT IS not in the full context of the study.

Both Albert Einsten and Jacques Hadamard are brilliant people. They both wrote of and discovered amazing theories for mathamatics. They have influenced the world as we know it, for hundreds of years. They were very intellecutual people, and math could not be the same with out them.

Creative/Imagination/Culture

Definition. Life really is defined by meanings. I feel like everything that is present in this world has some sort of definition. At the same time, there is no right or wrong definition for things. Everyone has their own opinion, and their opinion is their own; no one can say that what they think is wrong.

CREATIVITY: I believe creativity is what we as humans use to express ourselves. When children are in pre-school they express themselves through the way the may finger paint or color a picture in a coloring book. I love to paint pottery. I think that painting pottery is one: relaxing, and two: freeing. You can paint whatever you want on a plate, bowl, or cup. You can paint figurines like fairies or dragons and make them the way you want to see them. I love painting pottery to express my personality. Creativity is expression. There is not wrong or right way to express something. Whether it's through a song, a play, a novel, or even pottery, everything has it's own expression and it's own meaning. You just have to be open enough to see it.

IMAGINATION: Imagination is every kids playground. It's the pretending that you can fly, that you're a superhero, that you're even an animal. Pretending that you're in outer space or that you're witches in a magical world. I really enjoy seeing kids imagine where they are at and what they are. It's great to see, because they are so passionate about their worlds. Imagination is also portrayed in art and in the world of a play. Sometimes the play is abstract and imagination is needed by the audience to see what the author wanted to express. Even as adults we are subject to use our imaginations. Whether we are playing with little kids or if we're looking at a abstract art piece. Imagination is what keeps you young; that's why the movie, "Peter Pan" is one of my favorite Disney movies. Who wouldn't want to be a child forever in a fantasy land called, "Neverland?" We all are young at heart.

CULTURE: Culture is really important. Without culture the world would not exist. I think that culture is the most important thing. It follows one's heritage. For me, I am half Asian and half Caucasian. Culture to me...is already mixed. I have family in Hong Kong and Iowa. I am used to seeing different cultures and different people. I love to experience what are the TO DO'S in cultures. I'm one for trying new things. Dim Sum and all sorts of Chinese Food. I love learning about different cultures. Cultures are the pictures of the world. People in different cultures live in the different pictures. A populated city like Hong Kong is filled with lots of taxis, people, and tall sky scraper buildings. Everyone is on a cell phone and dressed to the latest fashions. The food is the most authentic Chinese Food ever! It's not durty, but clean, and even though Hong Kong is on a 10 mile radias piece of land, it's very modern and facinating. Culture is different everywhere in the world, but as long as people are open minded, we all get along.