I Love You

I will always love you to the moon and back.

In times of utter heartache and pain...times of endless tears and sadness...I try to mend my own heart, with things like hobbies, music, and friends; with family and love from everyone. Sure, it's never easy, and I must remember that I will come out stronger on the other side of this dark tunnel.

You may be wondering, “What's going on?”

Well...to stay as far from the real issue, I'm writing today about the general topic of “moving on.” We move on after we end a job. We move on after we leave a certain place. We move on after we say goodbye to people...or after people leave from our lives. The world is ever changing...just like a tree loses its leaves every Fall. Things change, and sometimes they're changes that we can't control or that we don't want. Those are the hardest.

I write, so I can try to mend...clear my head of the sadness and bring light back into me. I write, with tears streaming down my face, and the sniffling of my nose running... My vision is blurred as tear form in my eyes...and fall down my cheeks. I hate feeling hopeless, sad, pathetic...

The conversation that led to today's post was really nice and sweet, kind and caring. It was not fueled by anger, but rather defeat. Sadly. A defeat of a battle that wasn't ever meant to happen. It wasn't ever meant to hurt anyone or make them feel unwanted or weighed down by opinions. It was a battle of loved ones trying to protect their own...but their own was battling to be set free.

I want them to set me free. I know they'll always love me and they want what's best for me...but I want to fly. I want to fly so high!! I want to SOAR!!...

“You're strong Jenn. You're brave and you're amazing.” He said.

“I don't feel strong right now...” she said crying.

Comfortingly he responded, “You will, and I still will be in your life. We still will be friends, and I will always love you. I will always love you.”

“I will always love YOU!” She said through more tears, as the overpowering sadness consumed her. “I love you.”

Sometimes, it's hardest moving on, when it's rooted so deeply in love. No one wants to hurt the other, but it's just a sucky situation. No matter the form of “moving on” that you're in, it's always nice to be reminded of “love.” The love you have for the other person and the love from your other friends and family will get you through any hard time. We must never lose sight of that love, and we must never forget the memories of how the love formed.

Unfortunately, things change like seasons...and I am reminded of that, as of late. The feelings of my world ending, the feelings of confusion and pain....but I'm not mad. I'm not mad at anything that happened, because I remember the most amazing moments; the happiness, the laughter, the smiles and joy in his eyes... I am reminded of him from our favorite songs and books, favorite movies and tv shows. He won't ever be forgotten. He will always be in my heart.

I pray to God, to take away my pain...so I can live in the happy memories, so I can remember his smile, his touch, his voice...I pray for God to mend my heart. Take away the sorrow, and to please guide me through the darkness. I may have lost sight of things, becoming overwhelmed by the confusion of peoples opinions and thoughts. I may have lost sight of the person who mattered most to me...and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry... In times like this, I turn more to God than I ever do regularly. Sure, I go to church, I pray, I believe in Him, but it's the hard times in life that I find I truly do rely on Him for comfort and clarity, for hope and strength, for healing and love.

I'm sure by now you know what is going on...but I'm not writing to write about that. I'm writing to heal. I wish I could fix things, and I wish it didn't come to this. I wish people stayed out of the way, and just let us be.

I write...because I feel relief, I feel better when I write...when I can “think through my brain.”

I am thankful for everything. I am not mad. I am not angry. I am blessed. I am grateful. I know that my life is richer, because you're in it. I know you're not going anywhere. I know we will still be in each others lives. I know we will still be friends. I know we still want the best for each other. I know we still love each other, I know WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE EACH OTHER. I know we still support each other. I know we still will be there for each other. I know we will always remember the amazing memories and think often of the good times. I know we are going to be stronger together, once we get through this...even knowing as friends. I thank God that we want to remain in contact and in touch, to remain in each other's lives...if that wasn't the case, I'd be far worse off in my “woe is me, pitty, cry, cry” state than I am now.

I always want you in my life. I always want to be in yours.

I am open to the future. I'm open to the possibilities. I'm open to the adventures. I'm open to what may still be with us, if it's meant to happen. I'm open to everything. Without false hope or waiting for something that may never be...without becoming consumed by the “what if”...I'm simply open. Open to the world, to the universe, to all the energies, to God...open to you and me, open to everything.

That gives me hope; hope to live, hope to love, hope to let the world change me, adventures to excite me, hope to be brave and strong. Having hope is the only way to heal...finding the positive in the negative...hope is what I need. The hope of anything is wonderful. The hope I had in us, and that I have in you, regardless of life...and what happens, whatever causes whatever else to happen, the hope is what I have to feel okay again. Moving on takes hope.

I feel so much lighter now than I did at the beginning of this post. I hope, if you're reading this, that it gives you some comfort too, some hope. I hope that you too find the strength you need to heal.

Moving on is hard. Life is hard. But...we are stronger once we get through the darkness. Keep the hope and remember the love. Remember that love conquers all.

I love you.

I will always love you to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond. <3

We Must Never Lose Our Voice

My mind is flooded with so many thoughts today... They've been seeping in and staying for a couple weeks now, and I just want them gone; thought of difficult decisions, analyzing every possibility, all hoping to come to a solid conclusion.

No matter how much I analyze...there is never really a conclusion... Not in my head anyway. Regardless of what people think, we all have our own minds and it takes everyone their own time to decide on things.

What has got me so distressed? …. If only I knew.

I gave notice at my job a week ago today, and I'm excited to be leaving. I'm excited to travel, and I'm excited for what is to come; the new adventures, memories, experiences, and opportunities.

Let me try to list out what I'm pondering...

1. What will I do for my next job?
2. Where will my next job opportunity take me?
3. Do I follow career or love? – Can't I have both?
4. Do I have to choose...?
5. I don't want to say goodbye to people, and leave where my heart is happiest... exploring the mountains, breathing in the crisp air, waking up to deer and bunnies in my yard, hiking along beautiful trails and smelling the scent of vanilla or butterscotch of the ponderosa pine trees....
6. Why am I having a hard time budging?? – There is so much in the world to see and explore!!
7. I am having the hardest time thinking about leaving/moving away from my parents... WHY!? They're my parents...they will always love me...
8. Am I secretly holding myself back? – Am I the cause of my own boggled mind?
9. How can I see my future if I don't even have a solid clear picture of it? – Yeah...I have daydreams and snapshots of what I hope my future will look like, but I honestly have always hard a hard time “seeing” my future in general. I just tend to forget the past and not worry about the future...content with knowing everything will happen as it happens...
10. With no concrete images of my future...I can't live being scared. – I think...I've just started thinking hard about my future, because the one I love wants me to move to Tucson, Arizona...which I'm sincerely and genuinely thinking about...(thus why my head is so overwhelmed.) For most people it's an easy decision, but I'm not most people...I haven't ever lived out of state. I do not “change” well...I feel like it took me a whole year of college, before I felt like, “I'm in college.” And...I feel like I'm just not settling into the Fort Morgan, and I'm about to move...
11. Change...the scary reality that is life. If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we're boring....we're stuck in a bubble bouncing around an ever-changing world.
12. Why??? WHY can't I be more open to change?!
13. Am I afraid that as much as I want Andrew to be the one I marry...it'll turn out to be false? – Maybe...Aren't we all worried about who we love one day waking up, and choosing not to be with us anymore? WE CAN'T THINK LIKE THAT!! I CAN'T THINK LIKE THAT!! I need to trust...trust that everything will be okay. I need to trust God, and allow him to guide me down a path that is “His Will.” I need to trust MYSELF!
14. I need to toss aside the worries and doubts. I need to focus on what is true! What brought us together! Why I love him. Why I want to spend my life with him. I must never forget my past...but I must see what has been going on in my present. I must let these events to continue to “change” me...so that I may be a stronger, braver, bolder, more confident future Jenn! I must focus on the beautiful memories we have right now.
15. Don't I want more of those wonderful moments?!?! YES!!! YES, I DO!!! – Then let it happen Jenn!

JUMP SO THAT YOU MAY SOAR!!!

I want to soar. I want to fly as high as the stars. I want to see them glistening and shining...sparkling with hope and dreams. I want to soar and be free. I want to soar....everyday of my life.

…realistically, yes anything can happen. Anything can change. Anything can go from perfectly happy to dreadfully sad. There will be days where you want to disappear and be invisible. There will be days where the fear is overwhelmingly crippling. We can't live in fear. I CAN'T LIVE IN FEAR! ….

These feelings and thoughts are what I find on my mind...whenever something huge happens... Deciding to quit my job, deciding to travel, getting a cat, deciding to sell Mary Kay....and now with the option to move...it all floods back in...

I said the other night, “I feel like I'm free falling...falling without a parachute.”

And...it's true. So much has been on my mind that I can't even make sense of things anymore. I don't even know what thought is mine, and what thought is there from the influence of someone or something else. I have been talking to my parents, my friends...and each have so many different opinions on everything... At the end of the day, all that matters is me, and what I want.

What do I want?

I want to continue to love my life. I want to continue to find the joy and happiness in every moment, discover the hidden miracles. I want to live my life with those who I love, and who love me. I want to do what I want, when I want, and I want to not feel judged or fear that I'm going to disappoint anyone. I must remember...It's my life, not yours.

…oh, man...Bon Jovi rings out loud and clear now with one of my power songs... “...IT'S MY LIFE! IT'S NOW OR NEVER! I AIN'T GONNA LIVE FOREVER! I JUST WANT TO LIVE WHILE I'M ALIVE!...”

It's my life, not yours.

I may be feeling slightly better now, than at the beginning of this post...and while I still haven't decided anything, I know the root of the matter is the changes of life...and accepting that change in inevitable. It's going to happen, whether we want it to or not. I probably feel overwhelmed, because it feels like it's happening all at once. But...hey! When it rains, it pours.

Change represents the new chapters of our lives, and our lives are unwritten...so we need to accept the moments of change, and write our own new chapters. We need to write our futures. We need to write who we want there with us, and what we want to see. Yes, God has a plan for each of us, and yes, He will guide us, but we still have a say. We still have a choice.

…now a line from Joy Luck Club flashes in my head... My character Rose Hsu, in the play went through a lot, and I related to her a lot. Honest. She was someone who found herself in a loveless marriage, where Ted (her husband) and her...lost their love. They worried more about splitting the cost of a pint of ice cream than their love for each other. Rose just took it. She just accepted that this was her life...a life of no love, no joy, no happiness...she let Ted walk all over her, until the day she realized she had a choice.

“We always have a choice.” A line so eloquently spoken by her mother in the play.

Words that she thought were lost, but in those words she found her strength and her voice. My favorite POWER scene in the play was when Ted serves her with divorce papers. Shocked, as she was...Rose found her voice!!

He begins mumbling about something, and she cuts him off and says, “I'M NOT A WEED TED! You can't just pull me out of your life and throw me away!!”

A moment in the play where she realizes, she'd rather weed out the bad to welcome the good. Rose who lacked the Chinese element of wood, found her strength to embrace the change and embrace her own CHOICES! She became strong once again.

I am reminded of Rose Hsu in Joy Luck Club. I am reminded that I too...may have lost wood. I must find my voice again. Thank you Rose, for being a complex character...thank you for teaching me through your words.

Let's recap.

1. It's my life, not yours.
2. Change happens.
3. We always have a choice.
4. I'm not a weed!! – I have a voice.

The conclusion? …. I know that I have a choice and that I need to stand strong, to accept the change, and that it's my life. No matter what I choose, those who love me will still love me, and although not everyone will be happy, one thing is true. I will be.

Always Remembered

Wow...it's been 9 years since we had to say goodbye...

I’m suddenly hit with emotion as I realize the day. How some “anniversaries”, however, sad go from daily reminders to weekly reminders, to monthly reminders, to yearly reminders, until we one day wake up happy again…filled with life and love, embarking on new adventures. I wish you could be here today to have been able to see the series finale of One Tree Hill and to see the Olympics in Beijing! I wish you were still here to have gotten to see Candice get married, and you sister Kyna. Oh…the memories I wish you could be here for, and the ones to come!! ….

I know you were here with all of us, and celebrating with us, from Heaven. I know, that although we can’t physically see you, that you are here…in our hearts and thoughts. In our memories and day to day laughter…you are here. Always here. You’re here every time we think of you, and I know you’re reading this now. I love you. I miss you. ….

I always will miss you, and although you were taken away from us…each new year, each birthday…I take a moment and say, “This is for you Ronald. This is for you.”

I live and love with a different perspective. A perspective that everything can change so drastically in an instant. I live and love knowing that we must really love each other genuinely and be the change we wish to see in this world. I live and love each and every living things, being, and soul…so that I may always live and love as happily as I can. For you, always. In memory, in honor, and in celebration of the person you were in my life. My cousin, my family… We love you.

May God continue to shine his love and his light on all of us, so that we may live our lives the way he would want us to live. Happily together. Forever.

Goodbye...

Today my mind has been flooded with thoughts of “goodbye's”, and no...I'm not going anywhere.

I've always had a hard time saying goodbye, and even now...they get me so emotional. I don't like saying goodbye to people at all, and in recent years I have tried to avoid it... I currently live in Fort Morgan, Colorado. I love the town and the people, my job, my apartment, and Franke's Coffee...one of my favorite hang outs.

Compared to where I lived before in southeastern Colorado, Fort Morgan has been a true blessing. I don't ever want to think about my time in Lamar (that's where I lived while I worked at my first broadcasting job). Lamar was...miserable. A 4.2 square mile town and maybe 7,000 people...I found it incredibly hard to make friends, meet people, and feel involved. Most days I would wake up, go to work, the gym, and go home. The gym, which I usually love...I hated there. I found myself feeling very isolated, depressed...sad, leaving work and finding myself in tears by the time I got home. It didn't help that my boss was not too kind and was very condenscnending. She definitely abused her “power” and caused me to lose all confidence in myself. Needless to say, I was only in Lamar for...maybe five months...I didn't last long. When I moved I never felt happier to leave. I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I just quit one day, and that was it. As scary as it was to quit, it was rewarding to know that I wouldn't be in that environment anymore. I removed all traces of anything on my Facebook, blocked certain people, and wrote one single status, “Just a memory.” It is just a memory; a memory I want to forget. As I drove out of that town, I said in my car, “Goodbye Lamar. I hope to never see you again.”

Fort Morgan is a completely different story! I will gladly go back and visit. I'd love to! One because I have friends that I want to keep in touch with, but two, because I sincerely enjoy my time here. I don't miss Lamar. I know I'll miss Fort Morgan.

What I've realized lately is that I've mentally been preparing myself to say, “goodbye” or to leave and move, for quite some time. I just...haven't told anyone around me. Now, maybe they suspect or sense it, but I've never expressed any unhappiness or ill feelings towards anyone. I genuinely love the people, my friends, my job!...I love it all, but I just feel...it's time for me to spread my wings a little bit. (Which, you've read in previous posts.) I know that I need to move on.

This last weekend was the Christmas play at Fort Morgan United Methodist Church. What a joy it has been to meet the people of that church. Granted...I went to only one service there...the people are as welcoming as my parents church in Englewood. The Methodist have a “Open Arms, Open Hearts, Open Doors” mantra...and I love it, nondenominational, we welcome everyone and anyone of any faith or background. I'm thankful for the Fort Morgan United Methodist Church. I'm thankful for the many people I've met through the Drama Ministry, and I'm thankful for their continued open arms! I will miss them. During Saturday night's performance of “In Light of the Natvitity” by Terri Dill, I used it as a goodbye. Mentally, I was saying goodbye to acting at the church, goodbye to the cast, and really holding on to the memories of the night. Granted...none of them know my plans to move, and neitehr do my friends here in Fort Morgan... I just, don't know how to tell people. I'm kind of one of those, people who doesn't want to cause any sadness or pain. I don't want people sad, so I feel like if I just disappear, no one will be hurt. I know that's not true. Everyone will feel in their own ways, and I just need to say goodbye. When I come to conclusions that I know are right, but don't want to accept...then I tend to say, “I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.” A fault of mine I know...and I've become more and more aware of it. I'm working on not pushing things aside, and to just deal with it and get it out of the way. “Goodbyes” are just hard for me, no matter what.

Allow me to say goodbye...

Goodbye Franke's Coffee, I will always remember the days of reading or journaling, and how your chais are pretty tastey, but how the last gulp is practically all spices...haha.

Goodbye Ole' Solo Mio, your Italian food is utterly amazing...and in this case, I know that if I come up to visit, I'll be stopping by to say, “Hello.”

Goodbye Morgan Lanes, for the last couple years that you've been open while I've been here, I thank you for giving me some entertainment. Events through Roots Group, and memories with friends. Thank you.

Goodbye to Morgan Community College (MCC), and thank you for letting me feel involved in the arts! The Center for Arts and Community Enrichment (CACE) Committee has been enjoyable. All coming together to bring arts to Fort Morgan, has been great. I just wish, and hope you choose to bring more dance and theatre to the community. Enough with the band concerts and other musical bands...all you seem to do is bands and choirs...which I like, but...you need more theatre and dance. You need more variety. Thank you though, for allowing me to feel like I'm involved in my passion.

Goodbye to the School for Performing Arts (SPA), and thank you for welcoming into the MCC Morgan County Chorale. Thank you for the last four concerts and two years of fun. Singing every Thursday. I certainly will miss Tertia and the whole choir...you all are so wonderful, and the fun we all have. May we please remain friends.

Goodbye to Little Bamboo! I sadly will miss your Panang Curry! Thank you for having decent Chinese Food! The other two restaurants in this town...are so bad, but your food is actually pretty good. Thank you.

Goodbye to the Cover 4 Theatre. I will miss you. For a 12,000 person town, your theatre is wonderful. Thank you for all the wonderful movies, and all the girls nights I had with Leah and Chelsea (before they both got married). I can close my eyes and see myself watching, “Divergent,” “Pitch Perfect 2,” “Insurgent,” and...so many others! I just wish some of your popular movies stayed longer than a week or two...

Goodbye to City Hall, I will not miss you. Those council meetings were torture, but I still learned a lot. I will be glad to move on though, to let someone else sit in on those meetings...

Goodbye to the Fort Morgan Administrative Building...and goodbye to commissioner meetings. Most of the time, those were fine...quick and easy, to the point... I will miss the friendly faces I've seen for the past (almost three years) weekly.

Goodbye to the District Support Center and goodbye to school board meetings. Although interesting...I will be glad to not have to cover those meetings anymore.

Goodbye to City Park in Downtown Fort Morgan. I truly will miss you. I can close my eyes and see summer of BobStock music festivals and Christmas Capital of the Plains events. I see lawn chairs on top of lawn chairs as people gather for summer concerts in the park. Thank you for being the heart of my time here, for giving me some memorable memories. Despite the hard work that always occurred, those memories will always remain in my heart.

Goodbye to Morgan County Roots Group. Thank you for being there whenI moved here...knowing only one person in the whole town, you were my lifeline. You've introduced me to my Fort Morgan friends, and to some amazing great times. Wine tastings, beer tasting, Halloween Parties, Ugly Christmas Swaeater Parties, and so much more! I will come visit if I can!

Goodbye to Fort Morgan United Methodist Church. I will sincerely miss all of you. The Drama Ministry, although...not what I'm used to for acting, was really nice for my time here. I am thankful for being involved and for you welcoming me. They've been good experiences. I'm thankful for your love while I've been here.

Goodbye to Media Logic Radio. I know I've not said when I'm leaving yet, and in my head...I know when that day will be. Thank you for welcoming me in 2013...with smiles and excitement. Thank you for being the answer to my prayers and for offering me this amazing job. I truly have learned so much, and I am forever thankful. Thank you for the memories. I definitely will come visit. You all will always remain in my heart.

Goodbye to my apartment, goodbye to the awesome fireplace, rooftop patio, and elevator. So may memories of my first “real” place on my own. Thank you for the amazing memories I've had with my family and friends. Thank you for being the place where I discovered more of my own self, the place where I decided to travel abroad, the place where I started raising a cat. Thank you for being the apartment where I grew as a person, and where a lot of soul searching occurred.

Goodbye to my friends and co-workers. This isn't really goodbye...I'm sorry if I don't get to tell you goodbye, but I am thankful for your impacts on my life. I will always remember you.

Goodbye to Fort Morgan. Goodbye to the amazing people. Goodbye to the town. I'll be back to visit, but I know this is what I need to do right now. Thank you for being the start of my career.

Thank you to God, for answering my prayers, and for bringing me to Fort Morgan. Thank you for guiding me and for being a constant light in my life.

….I know it's not really a goodbye, but I hope this post acts like one. A way for me to express my feelings, and for me to express the sadness that sometimes can come with saying, “goodbye.”

There are moments where I feel like I belong here...but those are out numbered by the feelings of awkwardness...the feelings of, “I don't belong here,” the “I don't feel like anyone likes me,” and the “They don't really want me here” moments....

As much as I do like being here...I just sense that it's time for me to go. It's time for me to move on to a bigger market, and try new things. My teachers are telling me to move on as well, and I need to move on before I get too comfortable. Forgive me for not being too outgoing, or if I seemed like I didn't want to be here. Please forgive me for not getting too rooted...I mentioned it before, I just wanted to make it easier for me...to leave, and for that I'm sorry. Thank you.

Goodbye.

Today's fortune cookie fortune (really is):

“ Your good looks and journalistic skill will bring you great fourtune.”

A look at what will be.

Here's to the new chapter. “Hello.”

Hello World!

Today, is December 1, 2015, and as the year comes to an end, I find myself in a reflective state. Each December, I find myself looking through my photo album of the year, or photos on my Facebook. Looking back over the snapshots of the year, realizing... “Wow, a lot has happened...” always has me feeling a bit sad that the year is ending, but also excited for what's to come.

Recently, I've began two new adventures.

MARY KAY

I've recently started selling Mary Kay. I know!! I know!! You're thinking, “Jenn?! Really?! Of all the things...you succumbed to the never ending inquiring from others to sell Mary Kay?!” And...yes. Yes, I have. HOWEVER! It's definitely more than you think. I truly believe the timing was finally right to give it a try, and come on, where would you be in life if you didn't give things a try? You know me! I'm the type of person who will try everything once. Life...is meant to be lived and sometimes, it's through these challenges that we discover more about ourselves.

I've been using Mary Kay products for years! I was 11-years-old when I first started their skin care lines! At the time they sold Velocity. It was a skin care line for young preteens and teenagers. Now they've since done away with the line, and there are many other skin care lines that can meet anyone's skin care needs. I started using Mary Kay, because...well, it worked. As I got older, I changed to various other lines, and have added other products into my skin care process.

It only seemed natural that after...say, 16 years, I may know a thing or two myself. Honestly, starting to sell Mary Kay, has been scary. I'm not the type of person to “sell” things. I've worked in retail yes, and I've sold Girl Scout cookies...but this is totally different. In a way, I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm challenging myself to meet new people, approach new people, and to talk to new people. I challenge myself to express how much I do love my skin, and how much caring for our skin is so important. I am challenging myself to learn new skills, and I like it. I can't be my introverted self all the time. I can be outgoing, extroverted, and I'm excited to be.

I know the products, I know Mary Kay...I know I can succeed, and WILL!

My parents are sort of supportive, but at the same time, they're not, and it's more inspiration and more determination to PROVE them wrong. I know I need to learn my own wording, and discover the ways that work for me, but I believe that I can do this.

If you're reading this, and would like to find out more about Mary Kay yourself and the products, visit: www.marykay.com/jso129 for more information.

CDOT

I've also recently started working for the Colorado Department of Transportation (CDOT), on a radio show that they're doing through a campaign to help change the peak drive time of those heading to and coming home from the mountains. It's a really neat initiative.

The press release is below:

On-The-Go I-70 Travel Information Is Back
Mountain Travel Radio Provides Live Traffic and Travel Updates Through COtrip.org

STATEWIDE — As part of its Change Your Peak Drive winter driving education campaign, the Colorado Department of Transportation (CDOT) is expanding its live streaming Mountain Travel Radio service on COtrip.org, providing motorists with the most accurate and up-to-date travel information, road conditions and more. The live broadcast will regularly air on Friday afternoons, Saturday and Sunday mornings and afternoons, and on holiday Mondays, but with Thanksgiving being a major travel holiday, Mountain Travel Radio will do a special broadcast this afternoon, Wednesday, Nov. 25 as an anticipated 40,000 vehicles travel the corridor.

With major changes on to the Mountain Corridor, namely the implementation of the Traction Law and the launch of the I-70 Mountain Express Lane, Mountain Travel Radio will be a key communications avenue for I-70 travelers to learn up-to-the-minute road conditions directly from Jim Hudson, Nia Bender and Jennifer So, who will report live from CDOT’s Traffic Operations Center each weekend.

“Conditions along the I-70 Mountain Corridor change extremely quickly, and doing a live broadcast is one of the best ways to inform motorists and keep them updated with the most accurate info,” said Amy Ford, Director of Communications for CDOT. “Mountain Travel Radio is the best distraction-free resource available to motorists — once you tune in on COtrip.org you can expect to hear regular travel updates, event information, special Peak Time Deals and more.”

Listeners can tune in to the live broadcasts through COtrip.org by clicking the “On-Air” button.

Kicking off the mountain travel season with a live broadcast tonight, Mountain Travel Radio will normally broadcast every Friday afternoon from 4-7 p.m., Saturdays from 6:30-9:30 a.m. and 4-7 p.m., and Sundays from 6:30-9:30 a.m. and 2-7 p.m. throughout the winter, coinciding with peak travel times along I-70. For the two popular long weekends in January and February, Mountain Travel Radio will broadcast on those holiday Mondays from 12-4 p.m.

Content will include live updates on the rapidly changing I-70 road, weather and traffic conditions, as well as information about Traction Laws, the I-70 Mountain Express Lane and more. In addition, Mountain Travel Radio will provide information on events at ski resorts and mountain towns, along with Peak Time Deals — discounts for motorists who choose to stay off I-70 during the busiest travel times and instead enjoy deals on recreation, lodging and dining throughout the Mountain Corridor.

Jim Hudson and Nia Bender are returning from last season to host the broadcasts, bringing with them more than 50 years of combined radio and TV experience. Hudson is a freelance voice talent and a 25 year broadcast veteran, with 15 of those years reporting traffic on TV in Denver. Bender is a news anchor at NewsRadio 850 KOA and owner of The 4th-Estate, offering media services in the radio and TV industry. With expanded hours, Mountain Travel Radio will feature a third host this year — Jennifer So. So has four years experience with radio broadcasting, including her current show “On the Go with Jenn So” in Fort Morgan.

“Last year, we saw major success with Mountain Travel Radio, one time reaching 40 percent of I-70 travelers,” said Hudson. “We hope this service continues to be valuable resource for mountain travelers to stay informed and know what’s ahead.”

CDOT’s Mountain Travel Radio is part of the Change Your Peak Drive campaign, which works to improve the I-70 Mountain Corridor by encouraging mountain travelers to change not only the time they drive, but also how they drive. Through public education and strategic partnerships, CDOT works to give motorists the tools they need to be winter ready and know the resources they have for I-70 information. To learn more about the campaign and winter driving tips, visit winter.codot.gov.

I'm totally stoked to be joining my teachers once again, and to be embarking on a new adventure career wise as well. This could lead to many other opportunities, and although I don't know where I'll end up...I've got a foot back in Denver, which is great!! (We all know, from previous posts, that I'm looking for something news. I'm ready for a bigger market.)

While this is just a seasonal thing, I'm going to give my all to it. I'm going to do all that I can to make an impact, and maybe...maybe this will lead to other adventures as well. I know...I'll be super busy, but I'm totally okay with that. I don't mind, because it's all so exciting!

As I drift back to my reflective state, I find myself thanking God for this year. All the weddings of family and friends, the moments spent embracing the beauty of life...I close my eyes and see a flash of scenes play through my head. It makes me smile. I find myself even more sentimental than normal, holding on to the memories...slightly afraid to bid 2015 ado; but in those moments of uncertainty and apprehension, I look forward what 2016 will bring.

Here's to the New Year! Here's to continued love! Here's to family and friends, happiness and joy!! Here's to everything that makes life exciting!! Here's to future me and future you!! Embrace it!! 2016 will be amazing...I just know it will be!

ps...

My trip is officially 107 days away!

                                                           HELLO WORLD!!

                                                                                           I'm coming for you!!

Come Away With Me...

Have you ever experienced a moment where the world stops? Where all is quiet, and all that is and will be is that single moment?

Well, I've experienced moments like this periodically throughout my life, and most of the time they occur on stage. I'm so focused and in the moment, in the scene, that the audience disappears. It's just me, and my cast mates portraying the work in its truest form.

I recently experienced a different kind of moment...at a friends wedding. This moment was so serene and magical...simply perfect and lovely.

Let me take you there.

The day is Saturday, October 10, 2015. The sun is shining, the sky is clear, not a cloud in it, and I'm in Longmont, Colorado. I felt a little rushed in the beginning to make it there in time, but when I arrived it was breath taking. Andrew was there, and I was so excited to celebrate the wedding of two amazing people with him. I got out of the car, and looked at the beautiful Lone Hawk Ranch, where the wedding was being held; sprawling fields, Aspen trees reflecting the Fall colors, and a beautiful ranch tucked away, hidden among the trees.

I see Andrew, and smile as he grasps my hand. We walk, taking in the day. As we sat and enjoyed the vows, sitting with a couple other friends, my mind is clear. I was so happy! Granted, weddings usually are, but for the first time I was experiencing this day with someone I care deeply about. My friends Emily and Michael decided to exchange their own vows, which always makes me tear up, and as they did so...I remember thinking, “How beautiful it is to be loved like that.” Listening to how Michael expressed his words for Emily and Emily for Michael, sharing their promises was beautiful. They truly have a deep bond, and I'm so happy that they are spending their lives together.

If you can find someone who makes you happy, then that's all that matters.

As the day moved on, I felt more and more happy. Andrew was there for every moment of it, and to top it off? He danced with me! That was so sweet. The moment that I want to tell you about was the moment that we were dancing to, “Come Away with Me” by Norah Jones.

The lyrics are below:

"Come Away With Me"

By Norah Jones

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

View the song on YouTube at – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKEuOO0lQPc

As we danced...it was such a beautiful moment. Andrew and I don't get to see each other often, because we live in different states, but when we do...I hang on to every moment that I can, treasuring them and holding them tightly in my heart. For one, I think we have a special connection, but also, we have a stronger appreciation for the other. Not only do we support each other, but we know how special these moments are.

We danced there on the floor, looking into each others' eyes, and moving slowly to the music. I am always moved by music, and this song just tug at my heart strings. Either I was sad that we'd have to say goodbye the next day or I was moved by the beautiful ceremony...regardless...I never felt so happy, than in that moment. I let the song consume me, and suddenly everyone disappeared. It was just us on floor, and as the tears started to fill my eyes, I turned my face so that we were more in an embrace...listening to the lyrics, making a memory. Even writing this...the tears don't seem to want to stay away...

It was in that moment that I realized the love I feel was confirmed...more than before. I love him.

As the song ended Andrew whispers, “Don't be sad my Sweetling, I'm here.”

“I know,” I say, “I am just so happy. I love experiencing this day with you, with our friends.”

Andrew pulls me in for a hug as the next song starts, my breathing becomes deep, as I try to calm myself down...my mind wanders to silent prayers, thanking God for my life and for letting me share it with an amazing soul.

It was that serene and magical moment, that I hope I don't ever forget. A moment of pure love and happiness.

The rest of the night was perfect. I didn't want it to end...but as I type this, I long and look forward to the next moments. Where will our lives take us? What will happen? The questions that you can't really ever answer. Those are the questions that God knows the answers too.

One day...I will walk with Andrew “on a cloudy day, in the fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high.” We will “kiss on a mountaintop” and I will “wake up with the rain falling on a tin roof, while I'm safe there in his arms.” One day we'll go away “in the night” and “I'll never stop loving him.” I confess my feelings, pure and real, true and honest as they are...this is what love feels like.

Come away with me... <3

I Am 'Unwritten'

Today, the sun is shining and there isn't a cloud in the sky! An absolutely gorgeous day. I've been working diligently, and I have found moments where my mind wanders...filling itself up with daydreams and happy conversations as scenarios play out. It's interesting to think about the mind...how complex it truly is and how much it can remember; from the smallest details to the most complex of mathematical equations. It's like a filing cabinet filled with countless files of memories, senses, and emotions; music and books, likes and dislikes, the list goes on.

This last weekend, my family and I went to Boston, Massachusetts for the first time, and my mom's mom (my grandma) came with us. My mom and her brothers all went in together to pay for my grandma's trip as a birthday present for her 83^rd birthday. She's an amazing woman, and I love her dearly. I'm very much like my grandma, and I am blessed to be able to see the similarities. I can't even express how alike we are!!

Boston was a blast, because we saw so much history, and that city in general is filled with a rich past. My mom planned the trip and all the tours we went on, and while I did have fun, we still had our moments of arguing and disappointment or feeling stressed and unhappy...I was just glad to have a weekend away from work and the daily grind. I would have liked to explore Salem more in depth, or spend a day on a boat whale watching...but maybe next time. My point?...is I realized on this trip, how excited I am for the trip I've been planning. I realized more on this trip, than on past trips, how different we all are. I'm sure my dad would have liked to see things that my mom didn't want to see or how I would have liked to see things that maybe my family wouldn't have wanted to do. It just made me excited that I'm planning my own thing, and that gives me something to look forward to.

While in Boston, we saw so many things! From the Bunker Hill Monument to Paul Revere's House; the Massachusetts coast to the House of Seven Gables, and even where Samuel Adams was buried...one night I went out to dinner and to see an improv show with my friend Sarah, a friend of mine from my UNC days. Well, she's been living in Boston the last four years, because she got accepted into Emerson College for graduate school, and now works in town there. I was excited to see Sarah, because it's been years and we've been planning to meet up for quite some time.

Saturday night comes and I say, “I'm going to meet Sarah for dinner and we're going to see an improv show at a theatre she used to work at! So, I'll be back around midnight.”

My mom was like, “Okay, great! Is she picking you up?”

“No,” I said “I'm going to meet her at the theatre. She said she can tell me how to walk there, or I can take a taxi or subway.”

Suddenly my mom got, what felt like to me, mad...or “worried,” and she said, “You can't go walking out there by yourself! Do you know how bad you are with directions? You'll get lost! She better just come pick you up! She has a car right?!”

Calmly I said, “Uh, yeah, but she's parked already. It's easier for me to just meet her somewhere.” While I've been talking, I forgot to mention that I was talking to Sarah on the phone the whole time. She was telling me which way to go from the hotel to meet her and trying to give me directions, all while hearing my mom in the background...and making me feel quite embarrassed. “She's trying to give me directions. I can't listen to you and her at the same time! 'Sorry Sarah'...” I say as I try to return to the call. Ultimately I think I heard enough directions to just escape. So I leave.

Walking out of the hotel I was so upset, one for how my mom was reacting and two for Sarah overhearing it all... I leave the hotel and I start walking. We decided to meet at a Chipotle in the theatre district, and me...being frazzled...I went the wrong way for a few blocks, before I realized I needed to turn around. After another call to Sarah, I was finally on my way, and made it there in no time! – – I just...while walking, I found myself freaking out. I'm still in the U.S. and I got lost! I found myself looking at my map frantically and using the GPS on my phone, because I couldn't remember what Sarah said for directions...my mind was still racing with the comments my mom said, and the fact that I felt like maybe I was making a huge mistake. The mistake of planning a trip, where I'll be in a totally different country...lost; or feeling like I'll be lost the whole time, frazzled, worried, and overwhelmed. However, I snapped myself out of it, and was like, “Jenn, you're here! You've got to get to Sarah, and you need to just walk.” So...I did, and I was fine, but...those feelings still bothered me.

Overall the trip was nice, and on the flight home I was just processing the experience and everything that happened...but I couldn't shake the feelings of how “incapable” I felt. Which is totally bollocks! I'm very much capable! I know I am! I kept trying to remind myself of one of my previous posts...telling myself, “You're a strong woman! You're smart, independent, and very much capable of anything and everything, especially traveling!” – – It just...hurt my feelings, the doubt and sadness that crept into my head. I don't know, let's just say that this Boston trip opened my eyes to what I need to be aware of when I travel myself.

When I went into work Tuesday (yesterday), I turned on the radio and one of my favorite girl power songs was on. “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. I love her!! I truly relate to so many of her songs, and I just love her musical style!! AH! If I could see her and Ellie Goulding in concert I pretty much would be in Heaven! (Both are British singers p.s.) Anyway...as I took a moment to listen to the song, it reminded me of how I live my life. How, I'm the writer of my own story! “The pen's in my hand, ending unplanned, starting at the blank page” before me. Letting “the sun illuminate the words” that I “could not find, reaching for something in the distance, so close” I can “almost taste it.” This song...is truly an anthem to my life, and it was almost like ,God was telling me to relax, breathe, and stay calm; to “release my inhibitions” and to live my life with my “arms wide open.” The words, soaking into my head, and making me feel so much better! I may “break tradition” or “make mistakes,” which we all do...but I know that I am perfectly fine! This is where my “book begins, the rest is still unwritten.” (You can see the lyrics and music video below.)

"Unwritten"

By Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

Link to video – “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI

Like I said above, “This is where my 'book begins, the rest is still unwritten.'” It's true! Granted...I've been writing my book for quite some time, it's a nice reminder every now and then. You're not supposed to know what's going to happen next; just like with every book, you can't know the story or the ending before you've read it.

This journey that I'll experience in six-ish months, will be phenomenal. Aside, from missing those I care about, I'm excited to see the Northern Lights and Stonehenge, the Globe Theatre and the Cliffs of Moher...I'm looking forward to what's “unwritten.”

* * “I am unwritten, the pens in my hand, ending unplanned...” * *