Where's My Mr. Darcy?

Where’s my Mr. Darcy?
Today is a sucky day,
where my thoughts of you
just won’t go away.
I don’t want to start over,
with someone new;
when I know deep in my heart,
it’s chosen you.

Where’s my Mr. Darcy?
Is he you?
Someone good hearted?
Someone true?
Someone genuine, loving, and kind?
Oh, how I can’t get you off my mind.

Where’s my Mr. Darcy?
The holder of my heart?
Have I met him already?
Or have I lost him instead?
The questions swirl
round and round in my head.
They make me unfurl.
They make me feel dead.

Where’s my Mr. Darcy?
Where can he be?
I know he’s out there,
looking for me.
I’ll wave my hands,
jump up and down,
shout from the rooftops,
“I’m here to be found!”

Where’s my Mr. Darcy?
Is he you?
Someone good hearted?
Someone true?
I pray that he finds me, and very soon.
I want my heart free, from its cocoon.

Where’s my Mr. Darcy?
The man meant for me.
I see our future clearly,
it’s filled with glee.
I’ll treasure it dearly,
keep it safe and warm.
This is my promise to you,
but in due time.

Where’s my Mr. Darcy?
A question I don’t know.
I’ll keep on waiting,
for our time to glow.
I know it’ll be magic,
just wait and see.
With you by my side,
it’s guaranteed.

Where’s my Mr. Darcy?
Is he you?
Someone good hearted?
Someone true?
I’ll love you forever, I already do.
Until then I’m waiting, for a me and you.

💜☘

I Am 'Unwritten'

Today, the sun is shining and there isn't a cloud in the sky! An absolutely gorgeous day. I've been working diligently, and I have found moments where my mind wanders...filling itself up with daydreams and happy conversations as scenarios play out. It's interesting to think about the mind...how complex it truly is and how much it can remember; from the smallest details to the most complex of mathematical equations. It's like a filing cabinet filled with countless files of memories, senses, and emotions; music and books, likes and dislikes, the list goes on.

This last weekend, my family and I went to Boston, Massachusetts for the first time, and my mom's mom (my grandma) came with us. My mom and her brothers all went in together to pay for my grandma's trip as a birthday present for her 83^rd birthday. She's an amazing woman, and I love her dearly. I'm very much like my grandma, and I am blessed to be able to see the similarities. I can't even express how alike we are!!

Boston was a blast, because we saw so much history, and that city in general is filled with a rich past. My mom planned the trip and all the tours we went on, and while I did have fun, we still had our moments of arguing and disappointment or feeling stressed and unhappy...I was just glad to have a weekend away from work and the daily grind. I would have liked to explore Salem more in depth, or spend a day on a boat whale watching...but maybe next time. My point?...is I realized on this trip, how excited I am for the trip I've been planning. I realized more on this trip, than on past trips, how different we all are. I'm sure my dad would have liked to see things that my mom didn't want to see or how I would have liked to see things that maybe my family wouldn't have wanted to do. It just made me excited that I'm planning my own thing, and that gives me something to look forward to.

While in Boston, we saw so many things! From the Bunker Hill Monument to Paul Revere's House; the Massachusetts coast to the House of Seven Gables, and even where Samuel Adams was buried...one night I went out to dinner and to see an improv show with my friend Sarah, a friend of mine from my UNC days. Well, she's been living in Boston the last four years, because she got accepted into Emerson College for graduate school, and now works in town there. I was excited to see Sarah, because it's been years and we've been planning to meet up for quite some time.

Saturday night comes and I say, “I'm going to meet Sarah for dinner and we're going to see an improv show at a theatre she used to work at! So, I'll be back around midnight.”

My mom was like, “Okay, great! Is she picking you up?”

“No,” I said “I'm going to meet her at the theatre. She said she can tell me how to walk there, or I can take a taxi or subway.”

Suddenly my mom got, what felt like to me, mad...or “worried,” and she said, “You can't go walking out there by yourself! Do you know how bad you are with directions? You'll get lost! She better just come pick you up! She has a car right?!”

Calmly I said, “Uh, yeah, but she's parked already. It's easier for me to just meet her somewhere.” While I've been talking, I forgot to mention that I was talking to Sarah on the phone the whole time. She was telling me which way to go from the hotel to meet her and trying to give me directions, all while hearing my mom in the background...and making me feel quite embarrassed. “She's trying to give me directions. I can't listen to you and her at the same time! 'Sorry Sarah'...” I say as I try to return to the call. Ultimately I think I heard enough directions to just escape. So I leave.

Walking out of the hotel I was so upset, one for how my mom was reacting and two for Sarah overhearing it all... I leave the hotel and I start walking. We decided to meet at a Chipotle in the theatre district, and me...being frazzled...I went the wrong way for a few blocks, before I realized I needed to turn around. After another call to Sarah, I was finally on my way, and made it there in no time! – – I just...while walking, I found myself freaking out. I'm still in the U.S. and I got lost! I found myself looking at my map frantically and using the GPS on my phone, because I couldn't remember what Sarah said for directions...my mind was still racing with the comments my mom said, and the fact that I felt like maybe I was making a huge mistake. The mistake of planning a trip, where I'll be in a totally different country...lost; or feeling like I'll be lost the whole time, frazzled, worried, and overwhelmed. However, I snapped myself out of it, and was like, “Jenn, you're here! You've got to get to Sarah, and you need to just walk.” So...I did, and I was fine, but...those feelings still bothered me.

Overall the trip was nice, and on the flight home I was just processing the experience and everything that happened...but I couldn't shake the feelings of how “incapable” I felt. Which is totally bollocks! I'm very much capable! I know I am! I kept trying to remind myself of one of my previous posts...telling myself, “You're a strong woman! You're smart, independent, and very much capable of anything and everything, especially traveling!” – – It just...hurt my feelings, the doubt and sadness that crept into my head. I don't know, let's just say that this Boston trip opened my eyes to what I need to be aware of when I travel myself.

When I went into work Tuesday (yesterday), I turned on the radio and one of my favorite girl power songs was on. “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. I love her!! I truly relate to so many of her songs, and I just love her musical style!! AH! If I could see her and Ellie Goulding in concert I pretty much would be in Heaven! (Both are British singers p.s.) Anyway...as I took a moment to listen to the song, it reminded me of how I live my life. How, I'm the writer of my own story! “The pen's in my hand, ending unplanned, starting at the blank page” before me. Letting “the sun illuminate the words” that I “could not find, reaching for something in the distance, so close” I can “almost taste it.” This song...is truly an anthem to my life, and it was almost like ,God was telling me to relax, breathe, and stay calm; to “release my inhibitions” and to live my life with my “arms wide open.” The words, soaking into my head, and making me feel so much better! I may “break tradition” or “make mistakes,” which we all do...but I know that I am perfectly fine! This is where my “book begins, the rest is still unwritten.” (You can see the lyrics and music video below.)

"Unwritten"

By Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

Link to video – “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI

Like I said above, “This is where my 'book begins, the rest is still unwritten.'” It's true! Granted...I've been writing my book for quite some time, it's a nice reminder every now and then. You're not supposed to know what's going to happen next; just like with every book, you can't know the story or the ending before you've read it.

This journey that I'll experience in six-ish months, will be phenomenal. Aside, from missing those I care about, I'm excited to see the Northern Lights and Stonehenge, the Globe Theatre and the Cliffs of Moher...I'm looking forward to what's “unwritten.”

* * “I am unwritten, the pens in my hand, ending unplanned...” * *

When in Doubt, "Ask Amy"

When in doubt, ask Amy.

What do I mean by this? Well…the decision of traveling has been weighing on my head, and stressing me out, because it’s a huge decision to make.  I’ve just been contemplating a lot…so I took matters into my own hands (once again).

Today began like any other.  At work, I take a break mid-morning to check out my daily horoscope and to read my favorite column, “Ask Amy”.  I’m a dork…I like my horoscopes, and Amy’s column is always so interesting to me.  I like reading her advice.  It’s always straight forward and to the point.  She doesn’t sound rude ever, but inquisitive and helpful.  I genuinely love the advice, because often times it can be used in similar situations or you can remember it for another time.

Anyway…today I was reading my horoscope just like any other, and followed that by, “Ask Amy”.  Here’s an excerpt from today’s “Denver Post”.

Ask Amy: Recent college grad fed up with job (8/24/2015)

By Amy Dickinson

The Chicago Tribune

(Posted: 08/24/2015 12:01:00 AM MDT)

Dear Amy: I am one year out of college and I don't think I can take my job much longer. When I was 10 years old, if you had asked me where I wanted to work, I would have said Corporation X - it's a dream company, and that's where I work! But, ugh - after a year of working 14- to 18-hour days, five to six days a week, for $10.50 an hour, I am exhausted and still living paycheck to paycheck.  Here's the kicker, though: I might work an 18-hour shift, but I will only be given three hours of work to do. The rest of the time I just sit at my desk and wait.  When I do have something to do, I love my job! Honestly, if my job paid better, gave me benefits, I worked normal hours and they constantly had work for me to do, it would be the perfect job.  What should I do? Should I stick it out for a few more years in hopes of getting slightly more reasonable hours? Or should I call it quits and cut my losses and try to get into a graduate program in search of a new career path? ~ Exhausted

Dear Exhausted: Your best course of action is to use your extra 15 hours of time during an 18-hour shift in a way that will improve your experience at work - and impact your future.  Notify your supervisors of your capabilities. Pitch ideas for ways you could be more productive and useful to the company. Be proactive. It's your life. Take charge of it. If you feel certain you have exhausted opportunities at Corporation X (or if you simply don't want to work there any longer), leverage your employment at this company into a job at a company that will value you more and compensate you better. Whether you take another job or decide on graduate school (or both), don't leave until you have something else lined up.

When I read today’s column, it made me think…Ask Amy.  Since this has been a complicated decision for me, and although my friends and family have voiced their thoughts, I still haven’t been able to figure out what to do.  It really comes down to the job situation; quit and travel or be responsible and have another job set up before I go? Amy told this person to have something else lined up before they move on, in a way the advice works for me too, but.… What did I do? I asked Amy.

Dear Amy: I've been out of college and working in the "real world" for five years now.  I enjoy my job, and love where I'm working.  Lately however, I've been feeling restless, and I have determined that it's time for me to move on to something new.

While I'm in this transition trying to determine my next move, its reawakened how much I've wanted to travel.  With work and vacation time, it's not given me the opportunity before.  I'd like to maybe take a month and explore some of the world.  Is that a bad idea? I'd love to have another job lined up and travel between one ending and a new one starting, but another part of me wants to quit and travel, then come back and figure things out.  At the risk of being irresponsible I'm at a loss of what to do.

My parents don't think I should travel at all, but all my friends say the time is now and that we have our whole lives to work.  What should I do?  What if a new job falls into place and there isn't any time to travel?  Or what if I land a job and have the trip paid for; would they be willing to still hire me?  Thank you. ~ To Travel or Not To Travel

It’s a perfectly good question(s).  I just need an unbiased answer, straight and to the point.  So, if you have one, feel free to leave a comment.  I will take any advice on this future endeavor… I’ll of course let you know if she responds, puts the question in the paper itself, or if I do decide a confirmed decision myself.  In the meantime…I’m just stressed; so stressed…

Part of me would love to be discovered.  “Let’s choose that girl Jenn to be our next big star!” rings out in my head, with hopes that TLC or some other cable network would like to follow me around the world with cameras.  I’d have my own reality television show, and thinking on that idea, has me really liking it.  I want my experience to inspire others.  We as humans tend to put limits on ourselves; whether it’s paying bills or working to live…it’s a lot of stress being an adult.  I want people to know that they can do whatever they want, and that it’s never too late.  I want to explore, see, discover new cultures and places; and I want people to do the same. 

My mom has always wanted to be a writer.  She has always loved reading, literature, and writing, but when she graduated from high school, college wasn’t on the minds of many.  At the time, Davenport, Iowa was a small town.  It’s now since grown…quite a lot, but when she graduated she wasn’t able to go to college.  The abilities of obtaining scholarships and financial aid weren’t like they are today.  So…she gave up on that dream.

It breaks my heart! I tell her, you should write.  If you want to write, write.  Send your novel out to companies, and I bet you could get published! It’s never too late to achieve your dreams.  I want her and others to know that.  As crazy as it is to travel alone, I’m looking forward to when I can.  I’m looking forward to that chance.  I want everyone to see that the time is now!

Even if TLC doesn’t accept my pitch (that’s right, I auditioned for them)…I hope that this blog can help awaken someone.  I also hope that when I do travel, that I’m able to fill this blog with photos, experiences, stories, and adventures.  I know I’ll have to conquer a lot; from navigating around places by myself, to eating meals alone…and I know I may even cry, but I don’t care! At least I’ll know I’m living.

Rachel Platten – “Fight Song” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc

This song rings out as today’s life song.  Enjoy.

If you’re reading this, know that you too can do whatever you want.  Don’t limit yourself.  Don’t tell yourself any excuses.  I want you to know, that even if I haven’t met you, that you’re an incredible person.  You truly are.  So, look into yourself and discover your hearts calling.  No matter how far you run or try to ignore your true calling, eventually it will ring out loud! Listen to those voices and do what makes you happy.  You have one life to live, make it an epic one.  You will be glad you did.

"You're Committed Jenn."

Hey! So...the last couple day's I've been having the feelings creep into my mind of “am I doing the right thing?” … This is regarding my decision to “solo travel.” I don't want my blog to become a place where I vent or rant and rave, but I want to document all my feelings, the uncertainties, and the unknown of what is out there.

Although, I am very adventurous and try to do everything at least once in life...I still have a hard time getting myself to those moments of acceptance. By this I mean, I like change, but I hate it at the same time. Change in life can be scary; whether it be moving out of your parents home for the first time or leaving to go to college...even if it's as simple as changing jobs. I always find myself filled with anxiety and uncertainty in those situations, but after a week or two, and once I'm settled in, I usually find myself relieved that I've conquered those fears and that I've embraced the new.

That's where I'm at with my decision to travel. Right now my head is a titter-totter, going up and down with the excitement of traveling, yet the fear of actually going alone rings in my head too. – What am I doing?! Is this a good idea?! Am I doing the right thing?! – I can't help but think, what if I plan this whole thing and then I'm on that flight to Iceland and I'm internally freaking out!? … Yeah, that may be the feeling once I'm on that eight or so hour flight, realizing, “Dude, Jenn...this is happening. Here you are!” What will I do?...nothing to do but accept it, embrace it, and live it.

This makes me think back to the time that I studied in New York City. Back in the summer of 2007, I lived in New York for a month and took classes at the “School for Film and Television,” SFT, was what it was known as then...now it's the “New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts, School for Film and Television.” When I told my parents (at 19) that I wanted to live in New York for a month and do this intensive summer program, they were anything but excited. They were definitely concerned and unsure of me being out-of-state on my own. I wanted to do the program so badly! I didn't care what I had to do, all I knew was I needed that program! I'm glad they supported me and let me go, because that program...I grew so much in that month at that school, than I did in an entire year at UNC. The program really helped re-establish my confidence (following quite a rough freshman year), and it helped me find my love in acting again...the love I always had!

My point? Well, regardless of me wanting to do that program, I still felt excited, scared, and unsure...pretty much until I was on the plane. My parents took me to the airport that June, and I checked in and headed to security (on my own), and they stood above the security area at Denver International Airport (DIA) and waved, “goodbye.” Not going to lie...I shed a few tears...but I'm a sappy sap, and cry at any goodbye... Once I got through security, I looked up and saw their smiling faces one last time, before I embarked on my New York adventure. Once I got to the gate, I for sure was feeling the flow of emotions and the questions I mentioned earlier ring in my head. Suddenly though, God shined some light on me. I looked up and saw a familiar face. The face of a guy who went to UNC in Greeley, and who was a year ahead of me in school. He was in the Musical Theatre Program, and although, I never had classes with him at UNC, that familiar face put my mind at ease.

“I think I know you. Brian Loveland?” I say.

“Jennifer So? Yes! From UNC?” He responded.

“Yeah! I'm doing the Summer Intensive at SFT, are you going as well?” I questioned.

“Yeah! I am! I'm really excited!” Brian responded with a smile.

My mind at ease, my breathing calm, and my heart at rest. I felt content. As we talked a bit more, this girl, who had sat down across from us suddenly joined in, “Wait. Are you guys talking about the School for Film and Television?”

“Yeah!” I say, “We're studying there for a month.”

“No way! Me too! I'm Katie. Katie McConnell.”

Needless to say, I was overjoyed. Mainly, because I now knew people going to NYC as well, but that I had some familiar faces nearby too. When we landed Brian exclaimed, “Hey! You guys want to share a taxi?” “Of course!” we replied as we hopped into van, hoping it would turn out to be, “the CASH CAB” or something. Sadly, it did not, but once we arrived to the school dorm's we checked in, and it turned out, Katie and I were roommates for the month! Everything turned out well, and all three of us had some amazing experiences and memorable moments. Despite my mixed nervous feelings, I would gladly do it all over again.

I know that's how this situation is as well. That I'm just worrying about nothing, and that it will all work out amazingly. I know that once I've experienced it, and lived it, that I'll want to do it all over again. Before in life...I tended to follow my friends. I mean, why wouldn't I...I was with the same elementary class through high school? Where I grew up, the neighborhood I lived in, all the kids went all the way through school together. From one school to the next. My friends, are still from that class...and I still gravitate towards my friends who I've known for years. In fact, it wasn't until middle school, when there were new students around. From kindergarten to sixth grade I was in my little community, with the same 150 kids around me. Middle School that grew to like...550, and by high school I was in a school of over 2,500 students. So, naturally, when it came time to choose a college, I followed a group of my friends from Chatfield Senior High School to the University of Northern Colorado. In fact, they were my friends from the threatre program there, who went on to study theatre arts at UNC. From college, I ended up moving back home for a bit to save up money...which led me to going back to school...falling back into that safety net.

It wasn't until I went back to school for broadcasting at “Colorado Media School,” when I was actually in an environment where I didn't have any friends around. That was the first time...at age 23, that I literally did not know anyone in the class. Lucky for me I can make friends easily, and I did. My class from that school and I are still really tight. We all want everyone to succeed and celebrate each others' win's. We still have reunion dinners and gatherings, just so we can all hang out as a class again. The school even said when we all graduated that it had been years, since they've had a class come through the school that grew to be so close. Where there was no drama between anyone. Honestly, we were all friends.

I realize now...that I, although like change and accept change, I tend to follow where change is comfortable. I don't always push myself out of my shell. I didn't think I'd ever have that, “first day of school” feeling again until I started that program, and in the end it impacted me beyond comprehension.

This all leads back to my feelings now: What am I doing?! Is this a good idea?! Am I doing the right thing?! – The answer is: YES!

Just say yes! I've had a few days to think since my last post, where I ended it with “Keep moving forward,” and now. I do need to keep moving forward. Even from other previous posts, I just need to let the YES ring out loud and proud! – I'm going on a “solo travel adventure.” This is an excellent idea. Yes, I'm doing the right thing. – I need to continue to break away from “following my friends” and continue to stand on my own, embracing “change.” Which I've been doing for the last three years. I've moved to two different towns, taking on two different jobs in the last three years, and have made new friends; virtually from knowing no one before. I've made it through and survived. I'm stronger, more independent (even more than I was before), and an adult. I can do it, and have. New York was a baby step, and moving four hours away from anything familiar to take my first broadcasting job...that was a bigger step. This “solo travel adventure” will be the ultimate test.

Frankly, I acted upon this grand idea by actually planning a trip I'd love to take. It started out as this far off idea and morphed into a solid plan. That plan led me to seek it out and talk to a travel agent. Those talks and countless emails have led to me deciding that it's not a “if I choose to,” but a “when I go” mindset. I've made it this far, and all there is to do is commit. COMMIT JENN!! COMMIT!!

I am committing to this “solo travel adventure.” Done! Set in stone! It's 100% happening.

So...despite whatever feelings creep into my head, and whatever I've been feeling and will feel I'm going to keep telling myself, “You're committed Jenn.”

I'm now committed and determined; not just to this trip, but to everything in life...I've accepted this change and this adventure, and IT. STARTS. NOW!!

Here I go! …

"Anything on your mind today?"

Sometimes, as I sit and sip on my tea (we've established I'm a tea-holic if you're just now joining in on my blog), I find myself digging deep to determine, what's on my mind...

My boyfriend and I ask each other frequently, “Anything on your mind today?”

While most of the time our minds are pretty quiet and content, sometimes there are those profound thoughts that do find their way to the surface. I like that we openly talk about what's on our minds, because it makes the communication between us, all the better, and I think it's important for communication to be the best it can be in any situation in life. I guess...that's one of my thoughts today. – – Sometimes, life is so hectic...it can cause communication to fall and trouble's can form between people, co-workers, or even family. As long as we're aware of ourselves and stress levels, things tend to work out fine. I digress...

* * * * * * * *

What is on my mind today...?

Every morning I wake up, open up the curtains, and thank God that I see the sun. I'm even more happy when I can catch the sunrise...how gorgeous they always are!! As I head into work, I immediately check my email and begin my daily routine of radio shows and gathering news. This morning I came across an email that has caused me to ponder the topic of “relationships.”

Now, most of the time...I admit, I'll delete half the emails in my inbox, because they don't relate to one, the area that the radio station is located; two, they're plain old junk; or three it's not news. Today, an email talking about Bestselling author Hellen Chen came across my desk. She's the author of a recent book titled, “Hellen Chen's Love Seminar,” and she is a relationship expert. The book describes that dating longer before marriage does not always lead to a happy marriage.

That idea caught my eye, because like everyone else (or the majority), I do want to get married and I do want to have a family. Her book reveals that “85 percent of dating ends up in breakups and dating longer does not always mean a more stable and happier marriage”, because in reality...you just can't guarantee that things will work out. Even if you've “dated someone for six or eight years before marriage”, she says that she's “seen many singles delay marital commitment in order to 'make sure' the person in front of them is the right one.”

I've seen this too. Whether it be my own family or friends, sometimes despite how long you date, it just doesn't make it to marriage, and that's really sad. Especially, if you grow to love your cousin's or friend's significant other...

Hellen Chen also states in her book (although I don't own it...), and this is still all in the email, that, “the unwillingness to fully commit opens the door for an eventual breakup, and most people who only date and don't commit will end up separating with their partners.” It sounds like a pretty interesting read if you ask me, and maybe it's because I'm actually with someone who I see a future with and who sees a future with me. I'm not just dating to date anymore, I'm dating for a future. I'm dating, because I genuinely want a happy ending in life too. Her book also dives into people's thoughts. Perhaps the way they view dating, relationships, or... “selecting a partner” and that too is an interesting thought.

I've dated so many people over the years and I found myself time and time again like Charlotte in Sex and the City, where she expressed in one episode how she's been dating since she was 15-years-old and was exhausted, because she still hadn't found, “the one.” The screams of, “WHERE IS HE?!” ring in my head, like yesterday...because I know these thoughts ring true to many.

The thought of there even being a smart way to “select a partner” is emotionally exhausting, not to mention financially tough...and you know what? There's not a right way in that. Part of it is your own self, part of it is the want and determination of your significant other, and part of it (I believe) is God's Will. Hellen Chen periodically hosts seminars on these topics (so the email said), and in the end...once someone realizes the “feeling of settling down in marriage, that can be the world of difference.” That will demolish any surreal mindset of any relationship where one is dating with no goal in mine.

One of the people Hellen Chen talks to in her book says, “If you want the real thing, don't waste your time dating someone who does not share your idea of commitment.” OMG!! EPIPHANY!! – What a concept. I will admit, I've been in similar situations like that before in the past...where I totally liked the guy so much more than he liked me; or where I wanted commitment and he just wanted someone to make-out with. Whatever the situation, this statement truly does ring true, and should be considered...if you're still looking for “the one.”

Despite the many different ways to approach a relationship...and although it's nice to know the person's background or profile before you tentatively and cautiously move into a “possible” relationship with this said person...the rate of divorce is increasing globally nevertheless.

Divorce is not a bad thing...although throughout time it was frowned upon and disliked...sometimes you really can't control the circumstances that cause divorce. I'm blessed that my parents are still together, going strong for 38 years and counting. My mom's were together for around 40 years or longer...before my grandpa died. My dad's parents have been together...for I don't know how long...and my aunts and uncles on my dad's side are still happily married as well. Divorce has hit my uncles on my mom's side, but it's not bad thing. It just happens sometimes, and although I hope it doesn't happen between who I marry and myself, at the same time, it's just an unknown. It's in “unknown” in any relationship...and that's a scary thought for me.

Hellen Chen has a possible resolution, and at least it helps put my mind at ease, because it gives me something else to think about. Her thought is simply this, “People change.” That's a given, whether you know someone well, give it five or ten years, and they've changed. Everyone changes, and it's a constant. I mean, I'm definitely not that 18-year-old college freshman anymore (which we've determined in previous posts), and you're not the same college student yourself. People change habits, behaviors, even hobbies...and “rather than focusing on who the right partner may be, why not work on learning how to manage changes and thus make a marriage lasting and satisfying.” Yeah, why not?! Hellen Chen's concept of “learning how to manage changes” has got me pondering that. How do you even do that? What...? Manage what? – – Ultimately...I've determined this...I will be the best partner I can be to my significant other.

I want to embrace the changes that we'll go through, and I want to learn to remain as much in love as the first time, “I love you,” was said. I was talking to a good friend of mine about married life, and how she's liked it so far. Although, still early in their years together (she's only been married for three years at this point), but she gave me a thought, and this email based thought also made me think about her thought as well.

She said, “Divorce is not on the table for us. Once we determined that divorce was not an option for us, ever, it really changed how we communicate. It changes how you fight, it changes how you make up, and it changes how you communicate with each other. It truly makes the world of difference, because you're learning in these early years to build a foundation where divorce isn't even in the equation.”

Wow...right? I heard her say that and I remember thinking, “Whoa... I guess it would change things that way.” She and her husband have such a sweet love for each other. It truly is a beautiful sight to see; how he surprises her with flowers sometimes or the way he looks at her. That hasn't changed from day one. He still looks at her with such love and care, with such utter happiness, that he's “her one.” It's really beautiful, and I'm so blessed that the wedding's I've been to for my friends...that they're still all together. Seeing the love and happiness around me makes me hopeful and confirms that I too will have that some day. I have very wise friends, and I love them all so very much.

While talking with my friend about her first three years of marriage, I also asked her, “how did you know he was 'the one' for you?” … after a pause she said, “Jenn, that was something I struggled with throughout our relationship, before marriage was even an idea. It was hard for me to determine, because it was a huge decision for me. Marriage is a one time thing for me, and I wanted to be sure he was the one I wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with.”

I nodded my head in agreeing and expressed, “Oh, marriage is a one time thing for me too! Definitely!”

And she went on saying, “I just had to commit. It wasn't until he proposed and I said, 'yes' that I really knew he was the one I wanted to spend my life with. I think it took him wanting to be my husband, and him proposing, for me to officially be okay with, and letting myself accept the idea of marrying him. I just committed, and it's been the best decision I've made yet.”

An interesting thought...for sure; and isn't the thought of the whole email I've been referencing, saying the same thing? Well, yeah...basically. It all comes back to Hellen Chen's advice, “If you want the real thing, don't waste your time dating someone who does not share your idea of commitment.” Isn't that what my friend basically said too? She “just committed.” When her husband proposed and showed his “commitment,” she too “committed herself” to a life together.

Hmm...this makes me smile. I'm smiling, because I'm happy; happy with a really incredible man. Despite what the future does bring, which is the “mystery of life,” I'm happy. I'm happy that at this moment in time, we're committed to each other and we share the commitment. We share the goal of the future and we share a love for each other...we share something that is real. We're both not “dating to date” anymore, and that's refreshing. I'm so happy to be in a relationship that is “real” and where we share a mutual feelings on all aspects. We support each other in all we do and we want the best for the other person. We talk about and express what's on our minds, and we continue to communicate about everything and share that open communication in every situation. Everything is so mutual, I've never experienced anything like this before.

I truly do love him. I'll shout it from mountain tops, “I love you.” <3