Let The Countdown Begin

There may be days, weeks, even simple moments where that dark black cloud of doldrums just hangs over you. Showering you with sadness, woe-is-me pity, and anger; leaving you feeling depressed, overwhelmed, or even causing you to release those moments with tears. That was me today, and partly this week. It's tough when those moments hit, but all you can do is accept them, live them, let them do their damage, and move on, heal, begin to rebuild. Soon that dark black cloud turns gray, until finally the sky clears, and the radiant blue shines through!!

My sky’s were pitch black, turned to gray today, and now they're bright blue! See it?...I've reached the moment where a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

“FINALLY!!” I want to yell! It feels good, and there's certainly reason as to why.

Where I live and work right now, I do enjoy. I like it, really, and as you've seen in past posts it's a question as to when I'll move on to a new job. Well...in time; I need to remain patient, optimistic, and positive. I need to put the good, exciting, happy energy out into the universe, and not the depressed, frustrated, and angry energy... This is TOO a real thing!

I know what you're thinking... “Hmm, Jenn you've gone cray cray.”

NO! I haven't! Honest! I was talking last night with my dear Andrew, and I was reminded of this. We receive, what we put out...like whatever we put into something impacts the outcome. I've been so clouded lately, by my frustration of not being able to control things, that I've forgotten a life mantra that I live by. It's like...treating others the way you want to be treated. I wholeheartedly believe that, and it's the same with the energy you put out into the world/universe. Call it Karma, juju, good vibes, whatever...in the end, it's all about the energy you release. I finally am reminded of that, and as much as I like to think that I was always aware of it before...frustration and unmotivated feelings can truly change all that.

I live in a small town...I'd say...12,000 to 15,000 people live in this town. That's maybe a third of the size of CU-Boulder...just to put things into perspective. The campus of University of Northern Colorado even had at least 11,000 students...and that's a small college! Well, everyone in this town is linked somehow...like everyone knows everyone, and it's refreshing. I like feeling involved in the community, and seeing people who I see at council meetings at the gym; or people I see in choir at the grocery store. It's a small town, and for the most part it's quaint. The people in this town are amazing! They truly are so friendly and welcoming! I'm thankful for that. I need to focus on these happy moments to get me through the...dark black cloud ones.

Something that I don't particularly like is that...once you do something, it's almost assumed you'll be involved again. I did a Christmas play at the local Methodist Church, followed by a Easter Play, and now they want me to do the Christmas play for this year too. I understand that they want me involved, because they know my degree in theatre is a passion of mine, and that I love the stage. I truly do feel at home on the stage! It's just...I have a hard time feeling excited to be part of the plays...because they're not too well written, and no one else really has theatre experience. I know, I need to be more relaxed on it all...that it's as good as it's going to get, because everyone does it as a hobby. There's not any community theatre or anything in this town. So...before, I did the plays just so I could live again. I wanted to feel at home again. I wanted to perform.

However, when they start to write roles with you in mind...and assume that you're going to join the cast...it makes it hard to say, “No.” A sense of obligation and pressure ensues, and that causes me to dwell on the issue until I'm worried sick. I don't want to let anyone down, and I don't want to seem “unfriendly,” but I always found myself thinking to myself, “Ugh, if only I could direct this...” or “This would be way better if...” even, “What kind of stage dynamic is that?” – It's so hard for me sometimes, because it was my major in college, and I care a lot about doing my best work in any situation that I can. It's...not too fun to feel like you're not involved in something that's great, but I need to remember that it's a drama ministry doing God's work. Right now, they want me to be part of the 2015 Christmas show, and I don't know if I want to. I really wasn't planning on it, but because of the “obligation and guilt” that I feel...it makes it hard to say, “No.”

I was talking with Andrew about this last night. “If it's not going to make you happy, then don't do it. It's okay to say, 'No',” is what he said, and my parents said the same thing. I really comes down whether I want to do, because of my love for performing...or not to do it, because of the quality of the show...and that's a decision I'll have to make on my own. Magic 8 Ball? Flip a coin? I don't think will work on this one...

So, what made my sky's go from black to gray to blue?

Well...They were black, because I felt so overwhelmed and out of control of my current situation, both due to work and the stress from choosing to participate with the play or not. They turned gray, because I finally accepted a game plan for my work situation. As you know I want to travel, and it's a question of when. Well, I decided that it will for sure happen, and rather than being stuck in the doldrums, I'm going to focus on working and saving more money, so that I can make the trip a reality. Then, when the trip draws nearer, and my outlook is more pleasant, because I'll be excited to travel, that's when I'll start applying for jobs. Letting the current jobs disappear (which there aren't many I want anyway...) and for new ones to appear. It will give me time to accept and move on from the current black cloud feelings. It will also give me time to determine if I want to stay in radio broadcasting, move into television broadcasting, and to what extent I choose. Anything in theatre, film, television, or broadcasting is fine by me!

I finally accepted this conclusion, because I decided to be dauntless.

That's right, I've decided to be dauntless. I've committed to my “solo travel” adventure. THAT IS RIGHT!! – I BOOKED THE TRIP!!

“AHHHH!!!!!” – I'm suddenly filled with, “what am I doing?!” and “OMG” thoughts, because once I make a deposit payment...It's on like Donkey Kong! I'm scared, excited, thrilled, terrified, and happy all in one moment...but it's a good thing. This is a good thing. I want to prove to myself that I can be strong and independent; that I'm capable, and that I CAN DO THIS. I know my mind will continue to be a titer-totter, and I know my nerves will be knots, but I've been wanting to do this for so long, and it's finally happening! I just need to push myself, and let myself live, be free, and soar! This will be amazing for my soul and the stories I'll get to tell! I can't wait!

With this on the horizon, it makes everything worth it. It'll all be worth it. I'm going to live the life I want to live, and experience the world the way I want to experience it. I am taking all the conversations I've had, all the worried thoughts, the stressful weeks, and the fights...into this very moment. Breathe in...breathe out...let it float away, the stress is gone. Life is good.

Let the countdown begin.

When in Doubt, "Ask Amy"

When in doubt, ask Amy.

What do I mean by this? Well…the decision of traveling has been weighing on my head, and stressing me out, because it’s a huge decision to make.  I’ve just been contemplating a lot…so I took matters into my own hands (once again).

Today began like any other.  At work, I take a break mid-morning to check out my daily horoscope and to read my favorite column, “Ask Amy”.  I’m a dork…I like my horoscopes, and Amy’s column is always so interesting to me.  I like reading her advice.  It’s always straight forward and to the point.  She doesn’t sound rude ever, but inquisitive and helpful.  I genuinely love the advice, because often times it can be used in similar situations or you can remember it for another time.

Anyway…today I was reading my horoscope just like any other, and followed that by, “Ask Amy”.  Here’s an excerpt from today’s “Denver Post”.

Ask Amy: Recent college grad fed up with job (8/24/2015)

By Amy Dickinson

The Chicago Tribune

(Posted: 08/24/2015 12:01:00 AM MDT)

Dear Amy: I am one year out of college and I don't think I can take my job much longer. When I was 10 years old, if you had asked me where I wanted to work, I would have said Corporation X - it's a dream company, and that's where I work! But, ugh - after a year of working 14- to 18-hour days, five to six days a week, for $10.50 an hour, I am exhausted and still living paycheck to paycheck.  Here's the kicker, though: I might work an 18-hour shift, but I will only be given three hours of work to do. The rest of the time I just sit at my desk and wait.  When I do have something to do, I love my job! Honestly, if my job paid better, gave me benefits, I worked normal hours and they constantly had work for me to do, it would be the perfect job.  What should I do? Should I stick it out for a few more years in hopes of getting slightly more reasonable hours? Or should I call it quits and cut my losses and try to get into a graduate program in search of a new career path? ~ Exhausted

Dear Exhausted: Your best course of action is to use your extra 15 hours of time during an 18-hour shift in a way that will improve your experience at work - and impact your future.  Notify your supervisors of your capabilities. Pitch ideas for ways you could be more productive and useful to the company. Be proactive. It's your life. Take charge of it. If you feel certain you have exhausted opportunities at Corporation X (or if you simply don't want to work there any longer), leverage your employment at this company into a job at a company that will value you more and compensate you better. Whether you take another job or decide on graduate school (or both), don't leave until you have something else lined up.

When I read today’s column, it made me think…Ask Amy.  Since this has been a complicated decision for me, and although my friends and family have voiced their thoughts, I still haven’t been able to figure out what to do.  It really comes down to the job situation; quit and travel or be responsible and have another job set up before I go? Amy told this person to have something else lined up before they move on, in a way the advice works for me too, but.… What did I do? I asked Amy.

Dear Amy: I've been out of college and working in the "real world" for five years now.  I enjoy my job, and love where I'm working.  Lately however, I've been feeling restless, and I have determined that it's time for me to move on to something new.

While I'm in this transition trying to determine my next move, its reawakened how much I've wanted to travel.  With work and vacation time, it's not given me the opportunity before.  I'd like to maybe take a month and explore some of the world.  Is that a bad idea? I'd love to have another job lined up and travel between one ending and a new one starting, but another part of me wants to quit and travel, then come back and figure things out.  At the risk of being irresponsible I'm at a loss of what to do.

My parents don't think I should travel at all, but all my friends say the time is now and that we have our whole lives to work.  What should I do?  What if a new job falls into place and there isn't any time to travel?  Or what if I land a job and have the trip paid for; would they be willing to still hire me?  Thank you. ~ To Travel or Not To Travel

It’s a perfectly good question(s).  I just need an unbiased answer, straight and to the point.  So, if you have one, feel free to leave a comment.  I will take any advice on this future endeavor… I’ll of course let you know if she responds, puts the question in the paper itself, or if I do decide a confirmed decision myself.  In the meantime…I’m just stressed; so stressed…

Part of me would love to be discovered.  “Let’s choose that girl Jenn to be our next big star!” rings out in my head, with hopes that TLC or some other cable network would like to follow me around the world with cameras.  I’d have my own reality television show, and thinking on that idea, has me really liking it.  I want my experience to inspire others.  We as humans tend to put limits on ourselves; whether it’s paying bills or working to live…it’s a lot of stress being an adult.  I want people to know that they can do whatever they want, and that it’s never too late.  I want to explore, see, discover new cultures and places; and I want people to do the same. 

My mom has always wanted to be a writer.  She has always loved reading, literature, and writing, but when she graduated from high school, college wasn’t on the minds of many.  At the time, Davenport, Iowa was a small town.  It’s now since grown…quite a lot, but when she graduated she wasn’t able to go to college.  The abilities of obtaining scholarships and financial aid weren’t like they are today.  So…she gave up on that dream.

It breaks my heart! I tell her, you should write.  If you want to write, write.  Send your novel out to companies, and I bet you could get published! It’s never too late to achieve your dreams.  I want her and others to know that.  As crazy as it is to travel alone, I’m looking forward to when I can.  I’m looking forward to that chance.  I want everyone to see that the time is now!

Even if TLC doesn’t accept my pitch (that’s right, I auditioned for them)…I hope that this blog can help awaken someone.  I also hope that when I do travel, that I’m able to fill this blog with photos, experiences, stories, and adventures.  I know I’ll have to conquer a lot; from navigating around places by myself, to eating meals alone…and I know I may even cry, but I don’t care! At least I’ll know I’m living.

Rachel Platten – “Fight Song” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc

This song rings out as today’s life song.  Enjoy.

If you’re reading this, know that you too can do whatever you want.  Don’t limit yourself.  Don’t tell yourself any excuses.  I want you to know, that even if I haven’t met you, that you’re an incredible person.  You truly are.  So, look into yourself and discover your hearts calling.  No matter how far you run or try to ignore your true calling, eventually it will ring out loud! Listen to those voices and do what makes you happy.  You have one life to live, make it an epic one.  You will be glad you did.

"You're Committed Jenn."

Hey! So...the last couple day's I've been having the feelings creep into my mind of “am I doing the right thing?” … This is regarding my decision to “solo travel.” I don't want my blog to become a place where I vent or rant and rave, but I want to document all my feelings, the uncertainties, and the unknown of what is out there.

Although, I am very adventurous and try to do everything at least once in life...I still have a hard time getting myself to those moments of acceptance. By this I mean, I like change, but I hate it at the same time. Change in life can be scary; whether it be moving out of your parents home for the first time or leaving to go to college...even if it's as simple as changing jobs. I always find myself filled with anxiety and uncertainty in those situations, but after a week or two, and once I'm settled in, I usually find myself relieved that I've conquered those fears and that I've embraced the new.

That's where I'm at with my decision to travel. Right now my head is a titter-totter, going up and down with the excitement of traveling, yet the fear of actually going alone rings in my head too. – What am I doing?! Is this a good idea?! Am I doing the right thing?! – I can't help but think, what if I plan this whole thing and then I'm on that flight to Iceland and I'm internally freaking out!? … Yeah, that may be the feeling once I'm on that eight or so hour flight, realizing, “Dude, Jenn...this is happening. Here you are!” What will I do?...nothing to do but accept it, embrace it, and live it.

This makes me think back to the time that I studied in New York City. Back in the summer of 2007, I lived in New York for a month and took classes at the “School for Film and Television,” SFT, was what it was known as then...now it's the “New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts, School for Film and Television.” When I told my parents (at 19) that I wanted to live in New York for a month and do this intensive summer program, they were anything but excited. They were definitely concerned and unsure of me being out-of-state on my own. I wanted to do the program so badly! I didn't care what I had to do, all I knew was I needed that program! I'm glad they supported me and let me go, because that program...I grew so much in that month at that school, than I did in an entire year at UNC. The program really helped re-establish my confidence (following quite a rough freshman year), and it helped me find my love in acting again...the love I always had!

My point? Well, regardless of me wanting to do that program, I still felt excited, scared, and unsure...pretty much until I was on the plane. My parents took me to the airport that June, and I checked in and headed to security (on my own), and they stood above the security area at Denver International Airport (DIA) and waved, “goodbye.” Not going to lie...I shed a few tears...but I'm a sappy sap, and cry at any goodbye... Once I got through security, I looked up and saw their smiling faces one last time, before I embarked on my New York adventure. Once I got to the gate, I for sure was feeling the flow of emotions and the questions I mentioned earlier ring in my head. Suddenly though, God shined some light on me. I looked up and saw a familiar face. The face of a guy who went to UNC in Greeley, and who was a year ahead of me in school. He was in the Musical Theatre Program, and although, I never had classes with him at UNC, that familiar face put my mind at ease.

“I think I know you. Brian Loveland?” I say.

“Jennifer So? Yes! From UNC?” He responded.

“Yeah! I'm doing the Summer Intensive at SFT, are you going as well?” I questioned.

“Yeah! I am! I'm really excited!” Brian responded with a smile.

My mind at ease, my breathing calm, and my heart at rest. I felt content. As we talked a bit more, this girl, who had sat down across from us suddenly joined in, “Wait. Are you guys talking about the School for Film and Television?”

“Yeah!” I say, “We're studying there for a month.”

“No way! Me too! I'm Katie. Katie McConnell.”

Needless to say, I was overjoyed. Mainly, because I now knew people going to NYC as well, but that I had some familiar faces nearby too. When we landed Brian exclaimed, “Hey! You guys want to share a taxi?” “Of course!” we replied as we hopped into van, hoping it would turn out to be, “the CASH CAB” or something. Sadly, it did not, but once we arrived to the school dorm's we checked in, and it turned out, Katie and I were roommates for the month! Everything turned out well, and all three of us had some amazing experiences and memorable moments. Despite my mixed nervous feelings, I would gladly do it all over again.

I know that's how this situation is as well. That I'm just worrying about nothing, and that it will all work out amazingly. I know that once I've experienced it, and lived it, that I'll want to do it all over again. Before in life...I tended to follow my friends. I mean, why wouldn't I...I was with the same elementary class through high school? Where I grew up, the neighborhood I lived in, all the kids went all the way through school together. From one school to the next. My friends, are still from that class...and I still gravitate towards my friends who I've known for years. In fact, it wasn't until middle school, when there were new students around. From kindergarten to sixth grade I was in my little community, with the same 150 kids around me. Middle School that grew to like...550, and by high school I was in a school of over 2,500 students. So, naturally, when it came time to choose a college, I followed a group of my friends from Chatfield Senior High School to the University of Northern Colorado. In fact, they were my friends from the threatre program there, who went on to study theatre arts at UNC. From college, I ended up moving back home for a bit to save up money...which led me to going back to school...falling back into that safety net.

It wasn't until I went back to school for broadcasting at “Colorado Media School,” when I was actually in an environment where I didn't have any friends around. That was the first time...at age 23, that I literally did not know anyone in the class. Lucky for me I can make friends easily, and I did. My class from that school and I are still really tight. We all want everyone to succeed and celebrate each others' win's. We still have reunion dinners and gatherings, just so we can all hang out as a class again. The school even said when we all graduated that it had been years, since they've had a class come through the school that grew to be so close. Where there was no drama between anyone. Honestly, we were all friends.

I realize now...that I, although like change and accept change, I tend to follow where change is comfortable. I don't always push myself out of my shell. I didn't think I'd ever have that, “first day of school” feeling again until I started that program, and in the end it impacted me beyond comprehension.

This all leads back to my feelings now: What am I doing?! Is this a good idea?! Am I doing the right thing?! – The answer is: YES!

Just say yes! I've had a few days to think since my last post, where I ended it with “Keep moving forward,” and now. I do need to keep moving forward. Even from other previous posts, I just need to let the YES ring out loud and proud! – I'm going on a “solo travel adventure.” This is an excellent idea. Yes, I'm doing the right thing. – I need to continue to break away from “following my friends” and continue to stand on my own, embracing “change.” Which I've been doing for the last three years. I've moved to two different towns, taking on two different jobs in the last three years, and have made new friends; virtually from knowing no one before. I've made it through and survived. I'm stronger, more independent (even more than I was before), and an adult. I can do it, and have. New York was a baby step, and moving four hours away from anything familiar to take my first broadcasting job...that was a bigger step. This “solo travel adventure” will be the ultimate test.

Frankly, I acted upon this grand idea by actually planning a trip I'd love to take. It started out as this far off idea and morphed into a solid plan. That plan led me to seek it out and talk to a travel agent. Those talks and countless emails have led to me deciding that it's not a “if I choose to,” but a “when I go” mindset. I've made it this far, and all there is to do is commit. COMMIT JENN!! COMMIT!!

I am committing to this “solo travel adventure.” Done! Set in stone! It's 100% happening.

So...despite whatever feelings creep into my head, and whatever I've been feeling and will feel I'm going to keep telling myself, “You're committed Jenn.”

I'm now committed and determined; not just to this trip, but to everything in life...I've accepted this change and this adventure, and IT. STARTS. NOW!!

Here I go! …

There's an APP for That!

Today is a lighthearted, happy-go-lucky kind of day and so is this post.

Who had tasty sweet corn at 10:45 AM this morning?! – This girl right here. LOL! That's right. While I'm sure many family's cook their corn this way...mine does not and so when my boss cooked corn (in the microwave) I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly it worked.

Most Summer's my dad will grill and we'll cook corn in tin foil on the grill or my mom will steam it over the stove...but today at work, my boss took corn (which was dropped off to the front door of the station in a huge, huge bag from a local farmer) and cooked it in the microwave.

WHAT TO DO: He took the corn and placed the entire thing, husk and all, into the microwaved and heated it for 2:30 minutes. Once the corn was done, he cut off the end, and slid the corn out of the husk removing all those annoying “corn hairs”. Ta-da! Easy as that! Bing, bang, boom, your corn is cooked and ready to eat.

My boss turns to me and goes, “Here you go Jenn So! A nice snack!”

While I start munching on my corn, I proceed to tell my boyfriend all about it, and he proclaims laughing, “My mom cooks corn that way all the time!”

What?... I know I may not be up with the times on cooking corn, but for those of you, who find this remotely amusing, you're welcome! Try it out the next time you want to eat corn on the cob.

* * * * * * * * * *

Something else that I've been pondering this morning...is still the trip I've been planning. This trip is big, and there are a lot of things to think about, but I've come to a conclusion to help me make my decisions. Sometimes...it's better to leave it up to chance, by either flipping a coin or...in my case (because there is an app for everything nowadays) turn to your trusty magic 8 ball. I bet you thought you'd never hear that again!

Raise your hands!! Who had a “Magic 8 Ball” growing up!? I did!! Mine was PINK! LOL...

Question: Should I go on my trip in the future? (Shake phone for result) Answer: Probably. – I asked again, and it said, “It's FATE!”

Question: Should the first half of my trip be a mother/daughter adventure? (In recent weeks, my mom has expressed an interest to go on this trip with me...even though it's supposed to be a “solo travel adventure”...I'm open to the idea...) Answer: Maybe. – While...that's an okay answer, that's already something I knew, so I asked again for hopefully a more concrete answer. It said, “Only time will tell.” – (I'm beginning to see why this is not the best way to make decisions...) Hmm...I asked for a third time, thinking “Come on, give me a solid answer.” It said, “Definitely.”

Question: Should my “solo trip” say “solo”? (Thinking...let me re-praise this question.) Answer: Definitely.

Great!! Wonderful!! Just to be sure I asked... Question: So, should my mom go with me on the first part of my trip or no? Answer: Maybe. – By this point I want to shout, “You're killin' me smalls!!” LOL! … So, I asked one final time, “Yes or no? Should my mom go with me on the first part of my trip?” It said, “NO.”

Cool! Now, while some may say, “Jenn you just kept asking until you got the answer you wanted.” In a way...I can see that, but I really didn't. The first time it said, “Maybe” and then “Only time will tell” and then it said, “Definitely.” However, when I asked my next question on whether I should do this “solo trip”, it said, “Definitely”, which made me seek further clarification. Giving me another “Maybe,” and causing me to ask one final time... It finally answered with, “NO.” (To making the first part of the trip a mother/daughter adventure.)

To confirm the now determined answers let's flip a coin. (FIRST time tosses only!)

Heads or Tails. Should I go on my trip in the future? Heads yes, tails no. Result: Heads.

Heads or Tails. Should my mom come with me on the first part of my trip? Heads yes, tails no. Result: Tails.

Heads or Tails. Should my “solo trip” stay “solo”? (This time we'll switch it up) Tails yes, heads no. Result: Tails. – I asked this question four times, and the result was tails three times out of four.

This post is taking a bit longer than normal to write, since I was literally asking the “Magic 8 Ball” and flipping that coin for answers to my questions... I know I can be silly. Some decision's are tough for me to reach, and others are so easy! I feel really good about these results and answers, because it confirms in my mind that I'm not crazy, that this “solo travel adventure” is FATE.

* * * * * * * * * *

I've been having some feelings today too...just moments where I find myself more in tune with the energy around me, the emotions of others and the environment, and the feeling of my heart beating in my chest... I've made the decision to travel a few weeks ago, and the trip has formed into place quite well...all I have to do is basically commit. I want to commit so bad...but there are some last questions to consider. (Enter “Magic 8 Ball”...again, and this time...FIRST time answers only!)

Question: Should I travel between jobs? Answer: Perhaps.

Question: Should I quit my job to travel and then look for a new job when I get back? Answer: It's FATE!

I would rather have another job set up, before I travel...that way I can travel between jobs, but if I quit to travel, I know that, that's okay too. It's something I'll have to think about more, between now and committing to the trip. Since I've decided that I do want to travel (tentatively set for March 2016 sometime) I've found myself feeling a little nervous and scared. Although, excitement of adventure and the drive to see the world and other cultures has been the overpowering factors, there's a small part of me who...does indeed feel nervous and scared. It's probably due to my parents and specifically my dad who said I'm “too trusting” or that I “don't have enough street smarts.” I don't know, but what I do know, is despite those feelings and thoughts, the excitement of travel conquers all. I really do want to do this, and I truly believe I'll learn a lot about myself and what I'm capable of. (Note my “Be Dauntless” blog post.)

Today...I had a moment earlier where I felt content. I mean, I always feel content, but...at work. I've been here for quite some time, and I had this moment where I felt like this office is mine. This desk is mine, this chair is mine, and that phone is mine... I can't explain it, but it finally feels like...I almost, kind of, sorta, maybe belong here...kind of. I still want to move on to a new career adventure too, but for now...it's a good feeling to have.

There's still a lot to think about, but at least I know I'm heading in the right direction; keep on keeping on! LOL! Just stay positive and keep moving forward.

Keep. Moving. Forward.

"Anything on your mind today?"

Sometimes, as I sit and sip on my tea (we've established I'm a tea-holic if you're just now joining in on my blog), I find myself digging deep to determine, what's on my mind...

My boyfriend and I ask each other frequently, “Anything on your mind today?”

While most of the time our minds are pretty quiet and content, sometimes there are those profound thoughts that do find their way to the surface. I like that we openly talk about what's on our minds, because it makes the communication between us, all the better, and I think it's important for communication to be the best it can be in any situation in life. I guess...that's one of my thoughts today. – – Sometimes, life is so hectic...it can cause communication to fall and trouble's can form between people, co-workers, or even family. As long as we're aware of ourselves and stress levels, things tend to work out fine. I digress...

* * * * * * * *

What is on my mind today...?

Every morning I wake up, open up the curtains, and thank God that I see the sun. I'm even more happy when I can catch the sunrise...how gorgeous they always are!! As I head into work, I immediately check my email and begin my daily routine of radio shows and gathering news. This morning I came across an email that has caused me to ponder the topic of “relationships.”

Now, most of the time...I admit, I'll delete half the emails in my inbox, because they don't relate to one, the area that the radio station is located; two, they're plain old junk; or three it's not news. Today, an email talking about Bestselling author Hellen Chen came across my desk. She's the author of a recent book titled, “Hellen Chen's Love Seminar,” and she is a relationship expert. The book describes that dating longer before marriage does not always lead to a happy marriage.

That idea caught my eye, because like everyone else (or the majority), I do want to get married and I do want to have a family. Her book reveals that “85 percent of dating ends up in breakups and dating longer does not always mean a more stable and happier marriage”, because in reality...you just can't guarantee that things will work out. Even if you've “dated someone for six or eight years before marriage”, she says that she's “seen many singles delay marital commitment in order to 'make sure' the person in front of them is the right one.”

I've seen this too. Whether it be my own family or friends, sometimes despite how long you date, it just doesn't make it to marriage, and that's really sad. Especially, if you grow to love your cousin's or friend's significant other...

Hellen Chen also states in her book (although I don't own it...), and this is still all in the email, that, “the unwillingness to fully commit opens the door for an eventual breakup, and most people who only date and don't commit will end up separating with their partners.” It sounds like a pretty interesting read if you ask me, and maybe it's because I'm actually with someone who I see a future with and who sees a future with me. I'm not just dating to date anymore, I'm dating for a future. I'm dating, because I genuinely want a happy ending in life too. Her book also dives into people's thoughts. Perhaps the way they view dating, relationships, or... “selecting a partner” and that too is an interesting thought.

I've dated so many people over the years and I found myself time and time again like Charlotte in Sex and the City, where she expressed in one episode how she's been dating since she was 15-years-old and was exhausted, because she still hadn't found, “the one.” The screams of, “WHERE IS HE?!” ring in my head, like yesterday...because I know these thoughts ring true to many.

The thought of there even being a smart way to “select a partner” is emotionally exhausting, not to mention financially tough...and you know what? There's not a right way in that. Part of it is your own self, part of it is the want and determination of your significant other, and part of it (I believe) is God's Will. Hellen Chen periodically hosts seminars on these topics (so the email said), and in the end...once someone realizes the “feeling of settling down in marriage, that can be the world of difference.” That will demolish any surreal mindset of any relationship where one is dating with no goal in mine.

One of the people Hellen Chen talks to in her book says, “If you want the real thing, don't waste your time dating someone who does not share your idea of commitment.” OMG!! EPIPHANY!! – What a concept. I will admit, I've been in similar situations like that before in the past...where I totally liked the guy so much more than he liked me; or where I wanted commitment and he just wanted someone to make-out with. Whatever the situation, this statement truly does ring true, and should be considered...if you're still looking for “the one.”

Despite the many different ways to approach a relationship...and although it's nice to know the person's background or profile before you tentatively and cautiously move into a “possible” relationship with this said person...the rate of divorce is increasing globally nevertheless.

Divorce is not a bad thing...although throughout time it was frowned upon and disliked...sometimes you really can't control the circumstances that cause divorce. I'm blessed that my parents are still together, going strong for 38 years and counting. My mom's were together for around 40 years or longer...before my grandpa died. My dad's parents have been together...for I don't know how long...and my aunts and uncles on my dad's side are still happily married as well. Divorce has hit my uncles on my mom's side, but it's not bad thing. It just happens sometimes, and although I hope it doesn't happen between who I marry and myself, at the same time, it's just an unknown. It's in “unknown” in any relationship...and that's a scary thought for me.

Hellen Chen has a possible resolution, and at least it helps put my mind at ease, because it gives me something else to think about. Her thought is simply this, “People change.” That's a given, whether you know someone well, give it five or ten years, and they've changed. Everyone changes, and it's a constant. I mean, I'm definitely not that 18-year-old college freshman anymore (which we've determined in previous posts), and you're not the same college student yourself. People change habits, behaviors, even hobbies...and “rather than focusing on who the right partner may be, why not work on learning how to manage changes and thus make a marriage lasting and satisfying.” Yeah, why not?! Hellen Chen's concept of “learning how to manage changes” has got me pondering that. How do you even do that? What...? Manage what? – – Ultimately...I've determined this...I will be the best partner I can be to my significant other.

I want to embrace the changes that we'll go through, and I want to learn to remain as much in love as the first time, “I love you,” was said. I was talking to a good friend of mine about married life, and how she's liked it so far. Although, still early in their years together (she's only been married for three years at this point), but she gave me a thought, and this email based thought also made me think about her thought as well.

She said, “Divorce is not on the table for us. Once we determined that divorce was not an option for us, ever, it really changed how we communicate. It changes how you fight, it changes how you make up, and it changes how you communicate with each other. It truly makes the world of difference, because you're learning in these early years to build a foundation where divorce isn't even in the equation.”

Wow...right? I heard her say that and I remember thinking, “Whoa... I guess it would change things that way.” She and her husband have such a sweet love for each other. It truly is a beautiful sight to see; how he surprises her with flowers sometimes or the way he looks at her. That hasn't changed from day one. He still looks at her with such love and care, with such utter happiness, that he's “her one.” It's really beautiful, and I'm so blessed that the wedding's I've been to for my friends...that they're still all together. Seeing the love and happiness around me makes me hopeful and confirms that I too will have that some day. I have very wise friends, and I love them all so very much.

While talking with my friend about her first three years of marriage, I also asked her, “how did you know he was 'the one' for you?” … after a pause she said, “Jenn, that was something I struggled with throughout our relationship, before marriage was even an idea. It was hard for me to determine, because it was a huge decision for me. Marriage is a one time thing for me, and I wanted to be sure he was the one I wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with.”

I nodded my head in agreeing and expressed, “Oh, marriage is a one time thing for me too! Definitely!”

And she went on saying, “I just had to commit. It wasn't until he proposed and I said, 'yes' that I really knew he was the one I wanted to spend my life with. I think it took him wanting to be my husband, and him proposing, for me to officially be okay with, and letting myself accept the idea of marrying him. I just committed, and it's been the best decision I've made yet.”

An interesting thought...for sure; and isn't the thought of the whole email I've been referencing, saying the same thing? Well, yeah...basically. It all comes back to Hellen Chen's advice, “If you want the real thing, don't waste your time dating someone who does not share your idea of commitment.” Isn't that what my friend basically said too? She “just committed.” When her husband proposed and showed his “commitment,” she too “committed herself” to a life together.

Hmm...this makes me smile. I'm smiling, because I'm happy; happy with a really incredible man. Despite what the future does bring, which is the “mystery of life,” I'm happy. I'm happy that at this moment in time, we're committed to each other and we share the commitment. We share the goal of the future and we share a love for each other...we share something that is real. We're both not “dating to date” anymore, and that's refreshing. I'm so happy to be in a relationship that is “real” and where we share a mutual feelings on all aspects. We support each other in all we do and we want the best for the other person. We talk about and express what's on our minds, and we continue to communicate about everything and share that open communication in every situation. Everything is so mutual, I've never experienced anything like this before.

I truly do love him. I'll shout it from mountain tops, “I love you.” <3

Be Dauntless.

I've had a lot of time lately to reflect and think through my recent decision. Traveling alone. As you've seen in previous posts, it's definitely on my mind, and has been 24/7 for quite some time. I'm not saying that it's all I think about, I've got all kinds of thoughts going through my head. I just have realized that it's an experience I hope to have...and if it goes well, I most likely will travel again on my own (as you've also seen in previous posts.)

Why do you want to travel alone Jenn?

That's the question I've been processing and analyzing for a couple of weeks. My parents are definitely nervous of my future endeavor, because they think I'm “too trusting” or “too naive.” Yes, granted...I am a very trusting person, but I'm not an idiot. I know to “not talk to strangers...” like I'm five years old or something. If I need help while abroad, I'll ask other women or families or go into shops and places where clearly I'm not alone. I think my parents don't realize how helping people truly are. Of course things can happen, but I am of the right mind to not put myself into any kind of danger. I'm a strong independent person (as stated in previous posts as well), and I know that I want to do this.

Now, back to the question at hand: why do I want to travel alone? This is actually really simple. I'm not traveling to “find myself” or “to find enlightenment,” although those reasons would be bonuses...but I'm traveling, because I want to. I want to see the world that God created, and for one who has always loved adventure...it's something I'm craving. I love thrills and I'll try everything at least once; whether it be sky diving, hot air ballooning, or rock climbing (yes I've done all those...), I just want to live the best life possible.

Part of why I would love to travel on my own is to prove not only to myself, but to my parents that I can do it and that I'm perfectly capable of traveling on my own. I love my parents I do, but like many other people (and especially women) out there...we're seen, I feel like, in ways...differently than men. I'm sure if I was a dude, my parents would not care if I traveled alone, but because I'm a lady...and my parents only child, they're very skeptical. Not that they don't support me...my parents always do support me...I just, feel like this is slightly tougher for them to “be okay” with.

I'm also one who needs many perspectives, and I applaud my dear friends and other loved ones who have listened to me time and time again over the last few weeks as I discuss and analyze the new adventure idea. They have been so patient with me, as I ranted and vented about the feelings of my parents and what I've been facing... I thank them for their ears and their words of wisdom...advice and support. It's truly a blessing to have such amazing people in my life to talk to. I can talk to my parents too, of course! Just...sometimes, it's nice to have a friend to talk to instead. Thank you Kayla, Jackie, and Andrew for being such amazing souls in my life.

As this process has gone on, and the planning of this epic trip still being worked out, I've discovered that, at 27-years-old, I'm not the only one who is realizing all that they're capable of doing. Some of my other friends are also having these “epiphany moments,” and it's fantastic. WE are strong, powerful women, and the world needs to know it!

I have known for years that I'm a “heart person.” – “9 Things To Know About People Who 'Think' With Their Heart” – http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/heart-people-habits_55b1251ae4b0a9b94853f15c?ncid=tweetlnkushpmg00000067

This is why I do what I do, and seek the advice I seek. I work through every decision (although slow) until I am 100%, for sure, absolutely positive it's the right decision. I work through all my crazy ideas until my heart and mind agree. Only when my heart and mind agree do I know it's right. So...why do you want to travel alone Jenn? (Again...how this question rings in my head...) Answer: My heart and mind agree that it's an adventure I can't miss. Simple, honest, and 100% true.

I hope you know that no matter the opposition you may be face, you're 100% capable of doing whatever you want to do. Do not ever let society, a significant other, parents, friends, or the random weirdo tell you otherwise. YOU ARE STRONG!! YOU ARE AMAZING!! YOU CAN DO IT ALL!! – Be dauntless.