Dream When You're Feeling Blue...

Dream – [dreem] – noun

1. A succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep.

2. The sleeping state in which this occurs.

3. An object seen in a dream.

4. An involuntary vision occurring to a person when awake.

5. A vision voluntarily indulged in while awake; daydream; reverie.

6. An aspiration; goal; aim: A trip to Europe is his dream.

7. A wild or vain fancy.

Dreams. A simple word that can mean so many things. Have you ever thought about your dreams? I'm sure you have, but have they come true? Or...did they morph into something even better?

When I was probably two years old, my dream was to be Jasmine. I had an obsession with “Aladdin,” and for good reason! Jasmine is so cool! It made total sense, when years later I took this personality quiz, and it told me I'm most like Jasmine from “Aladdin” interestingly. When I was three years old, my dream changed once again...

At this time, I had had this doll, she was a ballerina, and she stood on her tip-toes (or on pointe if you're a dancer), and she was in a Pirouette form, and her hand held a rose above her head. She was awesome, and I'm sure I still have her in storage somewhere. When you pressed down on her hand with the rose, she would spin or whirl, and dance. One day, it was summer, and I was playing on the bedroom floor of my room, with my ballerina. She was dancing and she looked so graceful. Suddenly, I decided I wanted to be like her. I wanted to dance on my “tip-toes” and whirl and spin.

I stood up, dashed down stairs yelling, “Mommy! Mommy! I want to be a ballerina! I want to be a ballerina! Mommy, can I be a ballerina!? Please! I want to be a ballerina!!”

From that moment, the love of dance entered my life. I began dancing a couple weeks later, and danced from age 3 ½ to 23 years old, pretty continuously. I still consider myself a dancer, although, I've not been able to dance as much lately. The current town I live in is quite smaller than the “city,” and there aren't opportunities of dance for adults...but that won't always be the case. Although, I am not a professional ballerina, I still have a love and passion for dance that truly makes me who I am today.

The interesting thing with dreams...sometimes you can have so many, all at once! When I was six, I fell in love with theatre. I did a Christmas play at my church, and I played a reporter who got to interview Prince Charles in England about how the royal family will spend the Holiday. It awakened me to a different realm of the arts, and remains a major passion in my life today. I went to University of Northern Colorado for a Bachelors of Theatre Arts, and yeah, I still do theatre in and around Colorado when I have a chance. Like I mentioned in my last blog...being on stage is where I feel the most alive, where I'm at “home” in a way.

Dreams, as we have determined, change over time, and it's interesting how dreams are intertwined as well. Have you ever thought about that? Let me tell you why...

After I graduated from UNC, I had this moment one night where I totally freaked out. I had gotten into a fight with my parents, because I wasn't doing anything that I wanted to do. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back to school and get a masters, or go back to school for something completely different, move to LA or NYC, or just stay in Denver. Basically, I had hit a moment where I was working for a construction company, I was doing a show here and there when I would get cast, and I was living back at home. I didn't transition out of college too well, because honestly...? I was having way too much fun! I didn't really mentally prepare for college ending, and I had no idea what to do after graduation.

...Let's take a back stage moment here...when I was at UNC, I loved my friends. My senior year was all about doing all that I could to have fun, keep my good grades, and just to live life! Graduation just kept getting closer and closer, but I just kept doing my thing, and never really noticed. The night before graduation, I'm pretty sure I was out on the town with friends, celebrating. The morning of graduation, I woke up, got ready, and headed to Nottingham Field. My parents and grandma were driving up for the day, and after the ceremony, I stayed for a few graduation parties, before heading to my own, back in the Denver area. I had a blast with all my friends, said goodbye to Greeley, went to my parents house, and loved the party I had there. Filled with so much happiness and love, feeling so accomplished and excited for what my future held. Then, the last person leaves...I say goodbye, close the front door of the house, turn off the porch light...and turn around. For the first time, all day...through the whirlwind of events and excitement, it hit me. I was done with college. I was done with the four best years of any one's life. Just like that, like a closed book or the end of a movie, and I just broke down, into tears. It wasn't the, “Aw, this movie is soo sad” kind of tears; this was the break down, screaming, collapse to the floor, kind of cry. It just hit me like a ton of bricks, and I was sad...heartbroken. Just goes to show, that we must all embrace every moment of our lives and remember everything, no matter how small the moment may be.

Anyway...I had no idea what to do after graduation. I did some temp work, and promotional modeling gigs through my agency...but I wasn't happy. Eventually, I started working at a family friends construction company, and I discovered that I needed to do something more. In 2011, I began researching master programs back at UNC or at CU Boulder...Metro in Denver...I even considered going into the family business; becoming a Chiropractor and specializing in pediatrics for children. I actually would be really happy doing that, and it's still an idea, but in 2011, I would have had to go back to school and complete all my sciences and pre-med stuff, and go through Palmer College of Chiropractics, and then a few extra years to specialize in pediatrics...and I didn't want to go back to school for...six to eight years... So, I looked into Chinese Medicine or Acupuncture, holistic alternatives to western medicine, but even that would be another five years at least. I just didn't want to do more school, I was still so burnt out from pre-school through college straight! Two years old to 22!! OY!

So, I began to reevaluate where my dreams had gone, what my dreams were now, and how could I accomplish them. (I KNOW! I went off topic slightly, but this is all related! LOL.) I decided I wanted to stay in the creative arts areas and focus on how I could accomplish my dream of becoming a famous actor, by doing what I can do that will make me happy. I researched many things...and this is where my dreams became intertwined.

One day as I was researching broadcast journalism, I came across, “The Ohio Center for Broadcasting” or now known as, “Colorado Media School,” in BelMar, located in Lakewood, Colorado. It was a “tech school,” so it was all hands on, you learned the craft, and you received a certificate upon completion of the program. In and out in 11 ½ months!! Now, that sounded like my cup of tea! I immediately scheduled a tour of the school, and marched my butt over to the campus. Immediately I walked in, and it was as if this voice was telling me, “You belong here.” I toured the facility, and saw all the studios, classrooms, equipment used, and even did my “audition” which consisted of reading a commercial spot and recording yourself. That was easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy for me, especially with all my theatre training. I knew how to control my breath, I knew how to manipulate my voice, and I pretty much killed the “audition.” Turns out, everyone at the school thought so too, saying, “That's the best we've heard in a long time!”

Everything just kind of fell into my lap, and everything fell into place. I just kind of fell into broadcasting. My dream as a six year old and my dream through college...led me to broadcasting. The first acting role, as a reporter, has led me to my job today; working in radio broadcasting, having my own midday's radio show, and working at a company that is so amazing!

Your dreams can be intertwined. Sometimes, we simply have to untangle them, to see where they'll lead us. Our dreams, may not be what we always thought we wanted, but they will lead us to what we're meant to do...and be. Mine sure have.

….Hmm....it's nice to think about, reflect on. I give thanks everyday, that I'm able to wake up and do what I do. I feel like God led me down this path too. One time I had this dream, clear as day, that took place in my bedroom at my parents house. It was at the beginning of the process, and I dreamed that I woke up, and two guys were in my room, dressed in every day clothes, jeans and t-shirts. Instead of being scared as one would think, I approached the guys with ease and wonder. They didn't scare me, but some how I knew they were angels. 

They said confidently, “We're here to visit you. We just wanted to let you know that everything will work out.” 

“What will work out?" I questioned, "Will I be a famous actress, acting in film and television?” 

They said, “We can't really say, but everything will work out. Everything will be okay.” 

I remembered questioning them again, “Can you tell me anymore? I just wonder, if I'll make it in film and television.” 

Calmly they said, “We're sorry, we can't tell you, but don't worry.” 

Then, just like that, I blinked my eyes, and they were gone, as if they never were there. I climbed back into bed and went back to sleep. At that moment, I shot up! (It was one of those dreams within a dream scenarios, which...are always weird.) This particular day, it was probably around 6:15 a.m., and I just sat there, contemplating what just happened. I know what I saw, and I know what I dreamed, and I believe I was visited by angels, who helped guide me. The months and years that followed, fell into place, and even as I write this, I realize... “Woha, they were right.” 

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There's one last thought I have about dreams. Unrelated to the dreams you have for you life, or dreams that you have while you're sleeping in REM sleep, or the daydreams of what you wish you could experience...these dreams are the dreams you have with people.

Take this song: “Dreams” by the Cranberries

"Dreams"

Oh, my life is changing everyday,

In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,
Never quite as it seems.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

Ah, la da ah...
La...

I want more impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do.

And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.

Oh, my life,
Is changing every day,
In every possible way.

And oh, my dreams,
It's never quite as it seems,
'Cause you're a dream to me,
Dream to me.

Ah, da, da da da, da, la...

One of the classic love songs, which I always think of “You've Got Mail,” starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan...but just such a happy lovey song. This can be related to relationships, couples in general, or to yourself as an individual. Songs always have different interpretations to different people, and it's fascinating.

To me...? Hmm...This song basically encompasses what this whole blog is about today. How dreams are “never quite as they seem.” Whether it be the dream to fall in love or the dream to live the impossible, dreams are always changing, and morphing into more. Right now...I've got my dream of my career, and my dream of completing the impossible...you always have to have other goals and aspirations, and...perhaps the dream of love.

That has been one that has formed in my life for years and years. We all want to find love and eventually settle down, have a family of our own. It's just in the make-up of all humans. I am a girl too, so I already gravitate towards love, and chick flicks...the other day I was at the “Tattered Cover Bookstore” in Aspen Grove, a shopping area in Littleton, Colorado, with my bestie Kayla (they had just opened too, by the way, moved from their location in Highland Ranch), and we saw this elderly couple kiss each other at the front doors, as they parted ways. Clearly the gentleman wanted to go to one store, and his wife to another, but it was cutest, sweetest thing!

I exclaimed to Kayla, “AW! Kayla! That's is soooo cute!! That's what I want!! That cute, grow old together, endless love, kind of love!”

“You'll get it JSO!” Kayla cheers back, “I want that too!”

Maybe it's a girl thing, or maybe it's just a all human thing, but in that moment, I knew that...one day I'd find that love. Just like the song; “...And then I open up and see the person falling here is me. A different way to be...” We need to be open to “fall” for someone, and we need to be open to allow for fear of getting hurt. “Oh, my life, is changing every day, in every possible way...” We can't let fear get to us, otherwise we won't live. Not really in the way we're meant to.

So, let your life change, every day. Let it consume you with all it's happiness, sadness, screaming, and tears. Let life be what you want it to be! Be with who you want to be with, do what you want to do, and be as happy as you want to be.

That goes for you, and that goes for me. “...You're what I couldn't find. A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind... And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems, 'cause you're a dream to me. Dream to me...” – – You know who you are...My Andrew.