I'm a No Collar Perfectionist

What is swirling around my head today? ...It feels like nothing, but I know something is there. Let's try to figure this out...together.

Aside from the normal “to do's” aka grocery shopping or filling up my car with gas, my mind seems pretty calm. The weather outside today is rainy, wet, cloudy, and cold. It's Spring, but with Colorado weather, anything goes...pretty much all the time. The saying goes, “Wait five minutes and see." Today, pretty much hasn't changed.

Some day's it's pretty calm at work, and other day's it's so hectic my mind can't breathe, but today...as I sit at the office I am able to just be. Existing physically and mentally in this one place.

My mind wanders, and I meditate. I do that periodically, so that my stress levels stay low, and so that I can stay calm and just go with the flow when it comes to life. This makes me think...currently, Survivor is on their 30^th season. No joke! Two survivor seasons a year, for 15 years, and still going. That means Survivor started when I was 12-years-old. I remember that season. Richard Hash was on it, and won season 1. That same season had this guy from Boulder on the show...and to have fun on the beach he made a coconut phone and would talk on it periodically. I think his name was Greg and he was just goofy.

Anyway, Survivor this 30^th season, is called, “Worlds Apart.” They have the “Blue Collar's,” “White Collars,” and the “No Collars,” this season, as they really do see how people from “different social classes" work together. It's proved quite interesting. I would put myself into the “No Collar” category. I'm a very happy-go-lucky, la dee da, kind of person; not necessarily a free spirit, but I like to just do my thing and move on. I do well at work when I'm left to do my job, knowing what is expected of me, ask my questions here and there, and just work at my own pace. I get everything done on time or early in general anyway. At times it may seem like I'm still frazzled, but that happens in any work environment. I'm all about the new age and soundscapes type of music, or spa music as people call it...I like my Yoga and Pilates, and my own stress free way of life...so yeah, I'm a “No Collar.” Just an interesting thing to think about.

As I sit quietly at moments in my office, sometimes I like to focus in on the quietness that fills the room. Have you ever done that? Listening to the subtle hum things make. Sometimes I hear my co-worker rip up a piece of paper, or typing on a keyboard. Other times I hear the fax machine receive an incoming fax, or the movement of someone in their chair. I can also tell by the way people's feet hit the ground which co-worker is walking near my office, or the way they fill up their water bottles. No joke! I am very in-tune with my surroundings, and I am very aware of everyone. I have very sensitive hearing too. When I was younger, I could hear my parents whispering in the office downstairs, from my bedroom upstairs. I am 27-year-old, and the white noise sound television's make when they're on; especially if they're on, but turned all the way down, still bothers me. Most people lose the ability to hear “white noise” after awhile, but I've just always been aware.

On this particular day...I also find my mind wandering to how I like things done right. Whether it be my apartment or my desk at work...I like things done right. I like things extremely organized, in their proper place. If I feel cluttered, I tend to get overwhelmed and frazzled. If things are not organized, I feel kind of off balance. I'm a perfectionist. This is true. Sometimes it's quite a hindrance when I have moments where I find myself re-doing things over and over again until they're perfect. ...I remember one time in fourth grade. We were writing or something, and I kept ripping pages out of my notebook, crumpling them up, and starting over.

My teacher Ms. Gonring came up to me and said, “Jennifer, what is going on here? Why do you keep ripping pages from your notebook?”

“I keep messing up.” I said frustratingly.

“Well, it's okay to mess up. We all mess up. Try not to waste paper, just try to think a little bit more, before you start writing,” she said pleasantly, “maybe that will help.”

“I'll try.” I responded.

I was probably, oh man, how old are you in the fourth grade? ...like nine or ten years old. Needless to say when it came around to conferences, she talked with my parents about that incident, and suggested they work with me on my “perfectionist” habits. I'm not like OCD or anything...and I didn't ever have to many more moments like that through school, I just learned to do my work slowly and right. Periodically though, now at work, I'll find myself re-writing things, or crumbling up scratch pieces of paper until they're written right. I just have to take a moment, calm down, breathe, and clear my heard a little, before I move forward. That doesn't mean I still have my, “OMG this is a mess!” kind of moments. – – Another memory I have in recent years...and it's probably because I live alone now, but when I have a ton of people over at my apartment, which is more than like one person (haha...lame I know...) I find myself freaking out about the mess. Usually, if I know people are coming over, like my parents or a friend, I'm prepared and fine, but if it's sprung on me, I'm a little out of my element. Everything is just neat and tidy at my apartment too. My DVD's and CD's are alphabetized, and my closet is organized by dress clothes, shorts, then short sleeved shirts followed by long sleeved, then dress slacks, jeans, and sweaters or sweatshirts. I used to have to have them organized by color...but I'm doing a little better...LOL!

Well one time it was summer, and I was at a work event one Friday night. Following the event my co-workers were like let's go to Jenn So's apartment and use her deck! (I have the coolest little deck that is the roof of a garage...) So they all invited themselves over and brought a cooler of beer and we all drank and had a great time, before we moved on to a bar. I was trying so hard to have fun, and I was! Don't get me wrong...I always have fun with my co-workers, but I felt incredibly out of my element with how chaotic I felt; beer cans everywhere, the door to the patio left open...probably letting bugs in (which I am not a fan of), and a million different conversations going on. I was trying to be a good host...I hope I was!

Basically...as I write this, I feel like I sound like a neat freak or some weirdo, but really...? It's just because I'm a perfectionist. When I was three years old, my mom said she remembers I would always clean up all my toys. She found me countless times picking things up and dropping them back into my play-pin or toy box. I was and have always been a very neat and tidy person. It's just me, and it's just who I am., and I'm not going to change.

I embrace the fact that I'm a perfectionist.

If anything, it's caused me to do my best in everything I do; school, work, projects, characters for plays...and it's made me very goal orientated, driven, and always striving for the next best thing. I'm not a quitter. I give everything my all, and I will always continue to do so.

See how my mind wanders? Oy vey... Basically, as long as I stay calm and easy going, which is my normal nature in life anyway, then I don't feel so overwhelmed in work or home life. My spaces stay organized, I stay stress free, I get my work done, and I do it all over again the next day. I'm a “No Collar” “Perfectionist,” and I'm perfectly content with that.

Dream When You're Feeling Blue...

Dream – [dreem] – noun

1. A succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep.

2. The sleeping state in which this occurs.

3. An object seen in a dream.

4. An involuntary vision occurring to a person when awake.

5. A vision voluntarily indulged in while awake; daydream; reverie.

6. An aspiration; goal; aim: A trip to Europe is his dream.

7. A wild or vain fancy.

Dreams. A simple word that can mean so many things. Have you ever thought about your dreams? I'm sure you have, but have they come true? Or...did they morph into something even better?

When I was probably two years old, my dream was to be Jasmine. I had an obsession with “Aladdin,” and for good reason! Jasmine is so cool! It made total sense, when years later I took this personality quiz, and it told me I'm most like Jasmine from “Aladdin” interestingly. When I was three years old, my dream changed once again...

At this time, I had had this doll, she was a ballerina, and she stood on her tip-toes (or on pointe if you're a dancer), and she was in a Pirouette form, and her hand held a rose above her head. She was awesome, and I'm sure I still have her in storage somewhere. When you pressed down on her hand with the rose, she would spin or whirl, and dance. One day, it was summer, and I was playing on the bedroom floor of my room, with my ballerina. She was dancing and she looked so graceful. Suddenly, I decided I wanted to be like her. I wanted to dance on my “tip-toes” and whirl and spin.

I stood up, dashed down stairs yelling, “Mommy! Mommy! I want to be a ballerina! I want to be a ballerina! Mommy, can I be a ballerina!? Please! I want to be a ballerina!!”

From that moment, the love of dance entered my life. I began dancing a couple weeks later, and danced from age 3 ½ to 23 years old, pretty continuously. I still consider myself a dancer, although, I've not been able to dance as much lately. The current town I live in is quite smaller than the “city,” and there aren't opportunities of dance for adults...but that won't always be the case. Although, I am not a professional ballerina, I still have a love and passion for dance that truly makes me who I am today.

The interesting thing with dreams...sometimes you can have so many, all at once! When I was six, I fell in love with theatre. I did a Christmas play at my church, and I played a reporter who got to interview Prince Charles in England about how the royal family will spend the Holiday. It awakened me to a different realm of the arts, and remains a major passion in my life today. I went to University of Northern Colorado for a Bachelors of Theatre Arts, and yeah, I still do theatre in and around Colorado when I have a chance. Like I mentioned in my last blog...being on stage is where I feel the most alive, where I'm at “home” in a way.

Dreams, as we have determined, change over time, and it's interesting how dreams are intertwined as well. Have you ever thought about that? Let me tell you why...

After I graduated from UNC, I had this moment one night where I totally freaked out. I had gotten into a fight with my parents, because I wasn't doing anything that I wanted to do. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back to school and get a masters, or go back to school for something completely different, move to LA or NYC, or just stay in Denver. Basically, I had hit a moment where I was working for a construction company, I was doing a show here and there when I would get cast, and I was living back at home. I didn't transition out of college too well, because honestly...? I was having way too much fun! I didn't really mentally prepare for college ending, and I had no idea what to do after graduation.

...Let's take a back stage moment here...when I was at UNC, I loved my friends. My senior year was all about doing all that I could to have fun, keep my good grades, and just to live life! Graduation just kept getting closer and closer, but I just kept doing my thing, and never really noticed. The night before graduation, I'm pretty sure I was out on the town with friends, celebrating. The morning of graduation, I woke up, got ready, and headed to Nottingham Field. My parents and grandma were driving up for the day, and after the ceremony, I stayed for a few graduation parties, before heading to my own, back in the Denver area. I had a blast with all my friends, said goodbye to Greeley, went to my parents house, and loved the party I had there. Filled with so much happiness and love, feeling so accomplished and excited for what my future held. Then, the last person leaves...I say goodbye, close the front door of the house, turn off the porch light...and turn around. For the first time, all day...through the whirlwind of events and excitement, it hit me. I was done with college. I was done with the four best years of any one's life. Just like that, like a closed book or the end of a movie, and I just broke down, into tears. It wasn't the, “Aw, this movie is soo sad” kind of tears; this was the break down, screaming, collapse to the floor, kind of cry. It just hit me like a ton of bricks, and I was sad...heartbroken. Just goes to show, that we must all embrace every moment of our lives and remember everything, no matter how small the moment may be.

Anyway...I had no idea what to do after graduation. I did some temp work, and promotional modeling gigs through my agency...but I wasn't happy. Eventually, I started working at a family friends construction company, and I discovered that I needed to do something more. In 2011, I began researching master programs back at UNC or at CU Boulder...Metro in Denver...I even considered going into the family business; becoming a Chiropractor and specializing in pediatrics for children. I actually would be really happy doing that, and it's still an idea, but in 2011, I would have had to go back to school and complete all my sciences and pre-med stuff, and go through Palmer College of Chiropractics, and then a few extra years to specialize in pediatrics...and I didn't want to go back to school for...six to eight years... So, I looked into Chinese Medicine or Acupuncture, holistic alternatives to western medicine, but even that would be another five years at least. I just didn't want to do more school, I was still so burnt out from pre-school through college straight! Two years old to 22!! OY!

So, I began to reevaluate where my dreams had gone, what my dreams were now, and how could I accomplish them. (I KNOW! I went off topic slightly, but this is all related! LOL.) I decided I wanted to stay in the creative arts areas and focus on how I could accomplish my dream of becoming a famous actor, by doing what I can do that will make me happy. I researched many things...and this is where my dreams became intertwined.

One day as I was researching broadcast journalism, I came across, “The Ohio Center for Broadcasting” or now known as, “Colorado Media School,” in BelMar, located in Lakewood, Colorado. It was a “tech school,” so it was all hands on, you learned the craft, and you received a certificate upon completion of the program. In and out in 11 ½ months!! Now, that sounded like my cup of tea! I immediately scheduled a tour of the school, and marched my butt over to the campus. Immediately I walked in, and it was as if this voice was telling me, “You belong here.” I toured the facility, and saw all the studios, classrooms, equipment used, and even did my “audition” which consisted of reading a commercial spot and recording yourself. That was easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy for me, especially with all my theatre training. I knew how to control my breath, I knew how to manipulate my voice, and I pretty much killed the “audition.” Turns out, everyone at the school thought so too, saying, “That's the best we've heard in a long time!”

Everything just kind of fell into my lap, and everything fell into place. I just kind of fell into broadcasting. My dream as a six year old and my dream through college...led me to broadcasting. The first acting role, as a reporter, has led me to my job today; working in radio broadcasting, having my own midday's radio show, and working at a company that is so amazing!

Your dreams can be intertwined. Sometimes, we simply have to untangle them, to see where they'll lead us. Our dreams, may not be what we always thought we wanted, but they will lead us to what we're meant to do...and be. Mine sure have.

….Hmm....it's nice to think about, reflect on. I give thanks everyday, that I'm able to wake up and do what I do. I feel like God led me down this path too. One time I had this dream, clear as day, that took place in my bedroom at my parents house. It was at the beginning of the process, and I dreamed that I woke up, and two guys were in my room, dressed in every day clothes, jeans and t-shirts. Instead of being scared as one would think, I approached the guys with ease and wonder. They didn't scare me, but some how I knew they were angels. 

They said confidently, “We're here to visit you. We just wanted to let you know that everything will work out.” 

“What will work out?" I questioned, "Will I be a famous actress, acting in film and television?” 

They said, “We can't really say, but everything will work out. Everything will be okay.” 

I remembered questioning them again, “Can you tell me anymore? I just wonder, if I'll make it in film and television.” 

Calmly they said, “We're sorry, we can't tell you, but don't worry.” 

Then, just like that, I blinked my eyes, and they were gone, as if they never were there. I climbed back into bed and went back to sleep. At that moment, I shot up! (It was one of those dreams within a dream scenarios, which...are always weird.) This particular day, it was probably around 6:15 a.m., and I just sat there, contemplating what just happened. I know what I saw, and I know what I dreamed, and I believe I was visited by angels, who helped guide me. The months and years that followed, fell into place, and even as I write this, I realize... “Woha, they were right.” 

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There's one last thought I have about dreams. Unrelated to the dreams you have for you life, or dreams that you have while you're sleeping in REM sleep, or the daydreams of what you wish you could experience...these dreams are the dreams you have with people.

Take this song: “Dreams” by the Cranberries

"Dreams"

Oh, my life is changing everyday,

In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems,
Never quite as it seems.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more,
Because it came from you.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

Ah, la da ah...
La...

I want more impossible to ignore,
Impossible to ignore.
And they'll come true, impossible not to do,
Impossible not to do.

And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me.
You're what I couldn't find.
A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind;
You're everything to me.

Oh, my life,
Is changing every day,
In every possible way.

And oh, my dreams,
It's never quite as it seems,
'Cause you're a dream to me,
Dream to me.

Ah, da, da da da, da, la...

One of the classic love songs, which I always think of “You've Got Mail,” starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan...but just such a happy lovey song. This can be related to relationships, couples in general, or to yourself as an individual. Songs always have different interpretations to different people, and it's fascinating.

To me...? Hmm...This song basically encompasses what this whole blog is about today. How dreams are “never quite as they seem.” Whether it be the dream to fall in love or the dream to live the impossible, dreams are always changing, and morphing into more. Right now...I've got my dream of my career, and my dream of completing the impossible...you always have to have other goals and aspirations, and...perhaps the dream of love.

That has been one that has formed in my life for years and years. We all want to find love and eventually settle down, have a family of our own. It's just in the make-up of all humans. I am a girl too, so I already gravitate towards love, and chick flicks...the other day I was at the “Tattered Cover Bookstore” in Aspen Grove, a shopping area in Littleton, Colorado, with my bestie Kayla (they had just opened too, by the way, moved from their location in Highland Ranch), and we saw this elderly couple kiss each other at the front doors, as they parted ways. Clearly the gentleman wanted to go to one store, and his wife to another, but it was cutest, sweetest thing!

I exclaimed to Kayla, “AW! Kayla! That's is soooo cute!! That's what I want!! That cute, grow old together, endless love, kind of love!”

“You'll get it JSO!” Kayla cheers back, “I want that too!”

Maybe it's a girl thing, or maybe it's just a all human thing, but in that moment, I knew that...one day I'd find that love. Just like the song; “...And then I open up and see the person falling here is me. A different way to be...” We need to be open to “fall” for someone, and we need to be open to allow for fear of getting hurt. “Oh, my life, is changing every day, in every possible way...” We can't let fear get to us, otherwise we won't live. Not really in the way we're meant to.

So, let your life change, every day. Let it consume you with all it's happiness, sadness, screaming, and tears. Let life be what you want it to be! Be with who you want to be with, do what you want to do, and be as happy as you want to be.

That goes for you, and that goes for me. “...You're what I couldn't find. A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind... And oh, my dreams, it's never quite as it seems, 'cause you're a dream to me. Dream to me...” – – You know who you are...My Andrew.

Life Changes in an Instant

Scene opens on a girl sitting in a park. She's not doing anything in particular, just sitting on a bench, enjoying the warm sun hitting her skin. A cool breeze of the air brushes across her face. The sounds of birds are chirping, and the distant sound of children playing on the playground near by echo ever so faintly. To anyone walking around the nearby lake, she looks like any other happy-go-lucky 27-year-old...

One of these days, perhaps I'll write a book. My mind is always flowing with conversations and snip-its of scenes, ideas...but inspiration doesn't always hit. Sometimes, you just need to type and see what comes out. Just like the paragraph above.

My background is in theatre, this is true. I'm most myself on stage, in front of an audience. The adrenalin that is felt when I'm performing is the most amazing feeling ever. I love the nervous feelings I have before that opening scene, where you're about to embark on another live performance of a show that you've rehearsed tirelessly for months. That initial, “Oh, gosh, don't forget your lines,” or the “Here we go! God, bless this show,” thoughts...the thoughts that you're about to do something unforgettable. That's what I love. Despite those slight nerves, the trust you have with your cast gets you through everything.

Whenever I perform, I fall more and more in love with theatre, allowing the emotions of the character and the world of the play take over. It's magical.

The acting world is very close. I feel like it is anyway. Take Denver for example. There are so many theatre companies and ways to do what your love and to continue working on your craft. Eventually, the more involved you get, the more you run into familiar faces, and the more connections you make. It just makes the whole theatre community seem so close.

What if you were a part of the community, and what if you're not able to be part of it again?

Perhaps that's what that girl on the bench was thinking... Hmm... I have a really good friend, and she's super talented. I met her the first day of class at the University of Northern Colorado, in Orientation to Technology, or O-Tech as we called it. She became one of my best friends at UNC until she transferred to Colorado Mesa University to continue in their acting program.

You're probably thinking, “Why should she not be able to be part of the acting community again?” Well, the reason, is she was recently in a bad accident. She moved out to LA, and had been out there for a couple years, I think, when one night she was driving home. She may have just gotten off work, or perhaps she was coming home from a night out with friends. Regardless, she was driving her SUV, and was heading down any normal street. The speed limit was 35 miles per hour...in this area; make a mental note of that.

It was March 10, 2015, probably around midnight, when my best friend was heading through a green light. Suddenly, she was struck by another car who was going highway speeds down this 35 MPH street. He ran the red light, and crashed right into my friend! He flipped her SUV, and caused her to roll on top of a parked car, and another van that was heading the opposite direction. The scene looked bad...they had to extract all the parties involved, and my friend...? She was in critical condition. The others involved, including the driver of the car who crashed into her, were in serious condition. It turned out this dude, was 19-years-old and probably had been drinking. Alcohol was suspected as a contributing factor.

My friend spent a little more than a week in the ICU, before she was transferred to recovery. Thank goodness she is going to be okay!! You always hear about these things in the news, but the moment you know someone involved in a DUI crash, it sparks a flame inside of you. That flame of anger, disgust, and pain for all involved. It's those flames that get me so fired up, that I just want to yell from the roof tops, “DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!”

My dear friend is doing well cognitively, thank goodness, but she suffered some major injuries, that will now make for a very long road, before she's healed. She remembers friends and most memories, but will have to learn to walk again, and the other simple tasks. I miss her. I wish I could be there to help her. All I can do is pray for a speedy recovery, pray that people think twice about drinking and driving, and pray for her to find the strength to get through the hardest days.

It's been a little more than a month since the accident. My friend is still at the hospital, and will be for awhile...I tried to call her Saturday, and instead I was left in tears, when she didn't want to talk to me. It's dumb, I know...because she's going through a lot, and she may not want to talk right now. That's fine. I didn't cry because she didn't talk to me, but because I felt helpless. I wanted to give her happiness, I wanted her to know that I am praying for her. I know she doesn't want people's pity, but I want her to know that she's strong. She can make it through anything. I know it. You would too if you knew her. She's the, “I don't take crap from anybody!” kind of person. She's a free spirit, filled with so many dreams, goals, and love for anyone she encounters.

I write this to help myself make sense of my mind, but also to tell her story. Maybe someone will stumble upon this and think twice before getting into the car after they've drank. Maybe this blog post will travel to my friend in the way of healing, and kind thoughts. Regardless, I am hopeful my friend will recover 100%, and no matter what life has in store for her, I'll always be here for her.

The theatre community will be here for her too...we're all anxiously awaiting her return to the stage. Her return to a place she loves so very much. Her return to her “home.” Get well soon, Jenna.

Life. From Amazing to Sad and Everything in Between.

Life has the ability to change in an instant, the ability to be amazing and difficult, or exciting and sad. Life is many things, and surprising is certainly one of them.

Many years ago, I was a quiet and reserved 18-year-old...never really venturing out of my 20 mile radius on my own, until college in 2006. Sure, I traveled a great deal with family, and explored the world, cultures, and customs. I would say I'm adventurous, and if I had my way, and could travel at any whim, I would. Right now in fact. I'd pack up and leave, if it was customary and allowed to do in today's society. Who wouldn't right? Scotland, Ireland, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, I want to see it all! A trip around the world please!

Anyway, I digress. Life is meant to be exciting, filled with adventure, memories with family and friends. Life is all about the experiences you have, that end up shaping who we are.

Now, this is where I'm at. Nine years of life experiences, jobs, relationships, and adventures. Nine years of life to shape me who I am today. I'm not that 18-year-old anymore. I'm a strong, independent, confident woman, who has a career, goals, and aspirations. I know who I am and who I want to be; what I want now and what I want to ultimately achieve. I won't say right now...because I don't want to jinx anything, but I know that it will happen. Life is mysterious that way, and that's just one of the ways it surprises you.

Speaking of surprises, lets think about another. This one more recent in my life...let's go back a few years, to that 18-year-old girl in college.

The year is 2006, and I'm beaming with excitement as I embark on a write of passage. College, and for some a time to finally break away from expectations or rules, maybe to rebel, maybe to find themselves. For me? To continue to live life to the fullest; no regrets, no cares, and no worries.

I was a theatre major and best friend was my roommate. The goal of the first semester was to just enjoy college, go to some parties perhaps, and to make some new friends. I met this one guy who became my first college boyfriend, and my first real relationship, outside of high school...and it was amazing. Life takes twists and turns, and the roller coaster goes up and down...things change, and people grow and change, especially in college. Needless to say...it ended, and I was left heartbroken.

That first year of college was a dozy...I experienced the whole spectrum of emotions, and it was only like six months in...but that's the thing about life. Sometimes you need to fall and crash, hit rock bottom, before you truly discover what you're meant to do, and who you're meant to be.

Fast forwarding now to 2015, nine years later. I ended up having a blast in college, and I find myself wishing I could relive those years, just for the community and the friendships you make. Friendships are another fun aspect of life. I have some from when my parents were friends with their friends, and now the kids are friends, to friendships with friends from pre-school and kindergarten...I pretty much hold on to all friendships; if possible. Yeah, I've let go of some, and rid myself of others...some people aren't meant to be there forever. Some come and go, and some come back into your life when you least expect it.

Take that thought for a moment. I bet you've experienced something like that. A friendship, you thought was lost forever, and suddenly that person surprises you with a message on Facebook and suddenly they're right back in your life, like they never left in the first place...? Well, that happened to me.

“SURPRISE!!” Life shouts, just when you least expect it, “I'm about to throw your way something you won't believe to be true!”

“PLOT CHANGE!!” I yell. Sometimes, when life throws curve balls, or in my case surprises you, you just have to yell, “Plot change!”, and move on. This plot change is a great one.

Remember the first boyfriend I had in college? Yeah...after things ended we remained friends, and then one day he just stopped talking. At first I was really confused. “Why did he stop talking to me? Did I do something wrong? Well...I know we hadn't talked in awhile already, but I thought we'd stay in each others' lives.” The thoughts that go through your head. I gave him space. I didn't contact him as much, and I eventually stopped trying to call or text or Facebook message...whatever. I decided to let it be. Just let it go...let it flow down the mountain stream, like a fallen leaf, and just don't think of it again. Until...this “plot change” moment.

The day is Tuesday, January 13, 2015. I'm hanging out at my apartment. I work in Radio Broadcasting now, and on this particular day...I decided to check Facebook see what my friends are up to. For a few days prior to this, I had been “poking” that old college guy I was telling you about, when suddenly, “Boo! Just give up, you won't win.” He messages me, out of the blue. Now, this banter was always in his nature. He likes to think he has won all the “poke wars,” but there are still some that he too has lost. (Shh...he'll say, “NO!”...but this is a never ending battle...between he and I.) Anyway, we begin talking, and talking, and we continue talking...about life now, what happened then, the experiences we've had, the moments that led up to this very moment. That “plot change” moment I keep talking about, where he just decided to say, “Hi.”

A moment I'm so thankful for.

We continue talking for days, and suddenly days, turn into weeks...I'm pretty sure I made a trip to Hong Kong for my cousins wedding, where I was out of the country for ten days. Even there, I got a Hong Kong SIM card to keep in touch with family over there via my cell phone, but it allowed me to keep in touch with him too. Smiling every time I got a message from him, excited to see type back as I responded to one of his... It just made me happy.

When we began talking again, I was thinking I'm reconnecting with a friend! I'm catching up, and just enjoying the moment. It wasn't until the 14 hour plane flight from San Francisco to Hong Kong, did I realize, “Hmm...I could be talking to him right now. I wonder what he's up to.” I can sometimes be quite analytical, and too stuck in my head, in my thoughts. When I was able to talk to him in Hong Kong, I realized something was different. I began thinking, “We're friends again, I'm sure...but what does he want? A friendship? Maybe he's just talking again, and maybe he'll leave again like he did before...” I didn't really know. All I knew was I was happy to be talking to him again, and I was happy to have reconnected. I was holding on to the conversation for as long as I could, but still was preparing myself for the moment where he would suddenly stop.

I know!! – Why think like that?! What happened to you happy-go-lucky attitude Jenn?! Well...I was just staying guarded. No one wants to get hurt again.

By the time I was flying home, I began feeling a crush starting. My mind was feeling like I was back in high school and the guy you had the biggest crush on finally looked at you, or noticed your existence. My mind and heart wanted him to feel the same way, but at the same time, I just wanted to continue talking.

Well, we continued talking, and we're still talking; morning to night, dawn to dusk, it seems 24/7! What began on January 13^th is still going strong on April 9^th. With...of course some changes. Some new developments, or more “plot changes.” LOL!

I'm happy to say that life continues to shine and bring happiness to my life. He came out to visit, and we had such a great time! Just to see him again!! Everything as seemed very different this time. I would say we're back together, and although he's in a different state...the whole long distance thing, seems to work. We communicate well, and when it's right, it's right. It'll work, and when the trust is there, there aren't any doubts. I'm not going to tell you it's easy, because things never are. I will tell you I'm happy and content in a way, I've never experienced before. I don't want this roller coaster to make any sudden stops.

I want to enjoy every moment.

Like I said in the very beginning... “Life has the ability to change in an instant, the ability to be amazing and difficult, or exciting and sad. Life is many things, and surprising is certainly one of them.”

I'll take all the plot changes that led to this moment again and again, if it meant reconnecting with this special guy I've been talking about today. My Andrew.